The Back Side of Things and Finding Unity Consciousness on the Chess Board of Life

20 May

The Back Side of Things and Finding Unity Consciousness on the Chess Board of Life.

A Song about Faith

6 May

A Song about Faith.

And Just like That….My Writers’ Block is Gone…

16 Sep




So here I am, sitting in my quiet and cozy nook in Highland, Indiana. Yep, that’s right. The United States. Here I am, foreign…confused…sickly from the toxic wasteland that is this place…and exhausted with humanity once again. But it’s okay!  It’s good for me…or so I reckon… I suppose this is what fuels one’s fire…or something like that. It’s more than that. It’s visceral. My lungs are weak and my chest is heavy. My shoulders ache with carrying the weight of the world…My mind cannot focus nor sleep…my brain, fogged. I bet you, my beloved readers, are expecting some sort of really cool story as to why I am here. I had that. I wrote five pages of a boring narration of my every movement until now….but something was missing. I wasn’t inspired. I had writers block. I had no passion in it, or the motivation to put my heart on paper. That was it…there was no heart, just words and events leading up to now…sitting here, drinking a warm and delicious Belgian Monk brew that was a loving “Welcome Back” gift from my dear friend Meghan. Here…now…with all of these thoughts floating in the atmosphere of my mind in total unorganized chaos. There were so many things leading up to this, but all that I can do is think about what I am feeling in this moment. My writers block of three painful months…three months of deciding what the hell to do with my potential…what to do with my life…and letting go of my Love, New Zealand. I’m not sad. That’s not true. I’m happy. I’m happy that New Zealand helped me become…Me…I wouldn’t be on the Road Less Traveled if I held onto everything that I loved simply because I wanted to. How selfish?! No. My soul is bigger than what I could offer New Zealand. My soul…it belongs in Africa. That’s the next big move on my chess board of Life. That’s also the last. Mama Africa is calling my soul, and I cannot ignore her, for her voice is too mighty. Because I listened when I was a child…because everyone believed in me…because everyone told me I can be anything…and I believed, still believe. It is my duty as a human, to rectify the horror which we have plagued this poor planet and all of its Life with. It’s my duty…because I am no better than the murderers on the street if I know that it happens and sleep at night…I am not better than the millionaire who looks past the homeless man on the street if I, too, know that he is there, hungry, when I am feasting on my filet minon in my warm shelter…I am no better than the assholes throwing rubbish everywhere and wasting resources if I am not actively doing everything that I can to the fullest extent. I am on no pedestal. Because, you see, we are in this thing together. This whole Life thing…and, to quote Dr. Seuss’s Lorax “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing’s going to get better. It’s not.” So…what will we all do with that? What will I do with that? What will be big enough? Well, I’ll start. Here is my contribution to this poor, dying, plagued planet. Our one true Mother-Mother Earth. She gave birth to us, and this is how we repay her? With pollution…plastic islands…murder…rape…hatred…war…abuse…using all her resources…oil spills…nuclear meltdowns that pollute 80% of her waters which house innocent (now unwillingly radioactive) Life…? Is this how we repay her?




Vomit. That is what comes to mind. That is only the smallest visceral portion of how I feel. Angry. Sad. Disappointed…to name a few…oh, and disgusted to the very essence of my existence. We, fellow humans, are a plague. We are the cancer that exists on this poor planet. So, I will start. I will dedicate the entire rest of my life to teaching sustainability on the world’s most desperate continent. I will teach Love. I will give Love. I will save the forests from being mowed down, and all of the beautiful flora and fauna that will never exist again because of these horrific actions…You see, the problem is not a lack of housing, food, or clothing…we have enough. Mother Earth is so generous to us. You can break a limb from a tree and plant it, and a tree will grow. Bob Elderberry taught me that in Cambrian…No…it’s not a lack of abundance. It is the lack of Love on this Earth that plagues us. There is enough food, shelter, and clothing to feed, house, and clothe the entire planet…unfortunately there is not even the slightest amount of Love anymore as a whole. People are “zombified” by fast paced life and lose their very souls. Does this piss you off? It pisses me off! I am offering my Life. And if I die by the hand of another doing something noble and beautiful for the world, then so be it! That is the risk I am willing to take in order to make a difference. The “someone else will do it” attitude is absolutely unacceptable. Disappointment. Humanity? What a joke. Hostile? Yeah, I am. I am bloody fed up. Perhaps that is the fuel that I need for my fire. Here is what helped inspire me…the tool that broke my writers block.




I watched a movie. How simple, right? This particular film was an action comedy remake of a true story. It involved murderers and robbers, torture, pain, suffering, and lots of gruesome blood. “OH COOL!” Right?! “What a GREAT form of entertainment!” NOT! I mean, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Even if it weren’t a true story, it would still sicken me. But leave it to us. Leave it to the Americans to create a bloody COMEDY out of this. My stomach is sick. I need a drink to calm my nerves in order to fully endure what I witnessed. How sick am I that I found things comedic the first half hour (before the bloodshed of course…). Once I saw where it went, I was appalled, but made myself finish it to try and make sense of this. This, is what we as a society accept as ENTERTAINMENT. It’s never enough for us either…more blood, more guts, more “action”…MORE MORE MORE!!! What is this? What kind of savages have we subconsciously allowed ourselves to become, dear Zombies? Since when is this okay? And we just can’t figure out why humans are aggressive…why we kill and rape and steal. We have been desensitized to torture…to bloodshed…to our very own souls.


This evening as my mother was driving me home, there was an ambulance. She, working for that ambulance company, immediately cringed…She cringed at the terrifying thought of what could possibly be happening, because she will be filling out the paperwork for the tragic event in the morning. Then she opened up her heart. My mother is a tough woman. I’ve seen her cry maybe once. Maybe. She could get her leg sawed halfway off, duct tape it back on, and never even mention it to anyone. She’s as tough as nails, but with a big heart. She gives it to everyone and doesn’t allow her own things to get in the way of her giving. But this upset her. She was genuinely concerned. Then she began to tell me stories of all of the horrific things that she has had to write up…neglected children…savage butchering of other humans with machetes…just around the corner. (AND PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME GOING TO AFRICA? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!!! TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR NEIGHBOR!!!) Sick. I am sick. My emotions are visceral. I have a soul. A heart. I care “a whole awful lot”.  Then I come home and watch a “family movie”…about these things that we accept. (Unless they happen to us, of course). Have we been sleeping? Who let this slide through the cracks? When did we become so self-righteous? When did we become so entitled? I am disgusted.


So there you have it. I am back, and it probably won’t last too long…and yeah…I have cool stories, but I also have a purpose. I am focusing on that. My priority #1 is Africa. I am getting my ducks in a row, raising money, saving money as soon as I make it, potentially going to live in Albuquerque where I can at least be around a culture that isn’t so goddamn superficial and judgmental as the Midwest, gain a bit more knowledge, do a wildlife course and survival training in South Africa, and get off my fat, lazy, overfed American ass and do something about this horrific crisis that our beloved Mother Earth is in. Bam. That’s me. Love and Light to you, my beloved readers. Please, please take this to heart. If you are offended, that’s not my problem, it’s your own shit…and you are probably offended because you feel guilt. You feel guilt because, well, you are guilty. And that’s ok. I too, am guilty. It’s what we choose to do about our guilt that matters…What do you choose to do? 



Coastal Trips and Helicopters

4 Jul

During the road closure, our boat left the fiord to go to the very lowest point of the South Island, Bluff, for survey. I wasn’t crewing for the trip down, I stayed in Milford for the five or six weeks while the road was closed, but at the very end I was to get out via helicopter, meet up with Tristan in Queenstown, and drive down to Bluff with him in order to hop on the boat and come up the west coast.
After a last blast of dinner and drinks in Milford over at a guy named Shaun’s house, I was ready to see the outside world again. He was nice enough to get me a seat on a flight out. Now, this is not just any helicopter flight. It is one of the most scenic flights in the world. It costs around $400 per person, and I was able to get on at no cost.
It was a Monday morning, and I waited impatiently like a child going to Disney World for my flight. Helicopters are one of the coolest things on Earth, and I was about to see Milford from an angle that I never had before. Adrenaline took over my existence.
When my flight arrived, my eyes and heart lit up. The heli can hold up to six people, but my flight only had two others and myself, so I got a good seat right up front. Because Milford is the most dramatic fiord of the 14 fiords in Fiordland, it was an eyeful to say the least. There was so much to see, and in that moment I was happy to have two eyes that worked as windows allowing all of this beauty into my soul. There were times when it was so beautiful that tears filled my eyes, and words or photos just wouldn’t even begin to capture what I was encountering. All that I could do was smile my biggest smile from my soul to my face, and acknowledge how happy I was to exist in that moment. There was everything from former glacial valleys, forest, sheer and high mountains that seemed to extend out to outer space, glaciers, heaps of waterfalls, rivers and streams, and clear blue skies. Life was perfect in that moment.
We landed at a place called Knobs Flat. I thanked the pilot, and hopped into a coworker’s car to get a lift to Te Anau (the next closest town outside of the forest). I was as high as I could be on adrenaline and overwhelmed with happiness in its purest and most beautiful form.
I ended up meeting up with Shaun in Te Anau, and because the boat ended up not being ready, I stayed a night at his house in Manapouri, and spent the night in his lounge in front of the fire. It was peaceful there, and felt very “home-like”. The next day he got me on a coach for free from the company which he manages, and I was on my way to Queenstown for the first time in three months. It felt weird not being in Milford. I was in there and isolated for six weeks. It was amazing! I was, however, looking forward to seeing Tristan and hanging out in Queenstown. Unfortunately it was Winter Festival in QT (Queenstown) so there was limited accommodation (basically only all of the expensive rooms were available), so I was hoping the boat would be ready sooner than later.
Tristan and I caught up, I ate a heap of junk food that I normally wouldn’t eat but crave it because I live in the rainforest and have none of that kind of thing, and then we had a good old fashioned QT night on the piss together. At one stage we popped into a pub for a quick drink, and I went to go to the toilet. As I walked in the door I slipped and fell. I was wearing my UGG boots and a leather jacket. When I got up I realized it was someone’s vomit in which I had slipped, and before I could get more than an “EEEeeeww!” out of my mouth I slipped again. At that point, although disgusted, it was absolutely hilarious (but gross too). There was a girl washing her hands and she had to be absolutely dying laughing (I would have been). I laughed as well. I went to let the bartender know, and she snapped on me and said “Well it’s not my bloody problem!” I didn’t think a whole lot of it in the moment, I just left with Tristan, popped back up to my room to shower and change, and he and I went back out until who knows when.
The next morning, although painful, was a good one. I rang the manager of the pub to let them know my boots and jacket were ruined, and the bartender was a snot to me for no reason, and she urged me to meet her immediately. I ran up to the pub, had a wee chat with the nice lady, and she gave me a $50 voucher! She also offered to dry clean my stuff, but unfortunately UGGs can’t be dry cleaned and leather had to be sent off to Dunedin (the opposite side of the island), so I chucked the jacket (it was free anyway) and scrubbed the boots, half ruined but okay.
The boat ended up getting put off for another five days because of weather, and at the end of the five days I was totally exhausted of QT. I missed Milford. Luckily, on day five the road finally opened, so Tristan and I headed back to Milford to wait for the boat. I was happy to be back in, and back home to my nice warm bed and the beautiful forest/high mountains/waterfalls around me.
After two more days in Milford, the boat was finally ready. Tristan and I headed down to Bluff. We were scheduled to take off in the morning, so we would sleep on the boat that night. The forecast wasn’t the greatest, but we had to begin making our way up the coast.
Day I: Violent Seas:
We set out to sea, beginning in Bluff out of the Foveaux Strait heading west to meet the Tasman Sea. Mind you, this is no cruise ship by any stretch of the imagination. The Milford Adventurer is a 39.5 metre (about 70 feet) long, 60 some odd ton passenger vessel. It is one of the smaller vessels in Milford as well, if not the smallest. Now, the Tasman Sea is one of the roughest seas in the world. Working in the fiord, it is quite calm. The tide tends to break, so the only time we get a tidal range is when we get a Northwesterly wind, which funnels down the fiord. Even then it’s usually about 2.5 meters at most.
As soon as we left the harbor in Bluff, it became choppy. It continued this way throughout the Strait, and although it was a bit rough, it wasn’t too terrible. I was able to get a good look at Stewart Island from the coast, which was a beautiful sight. Once we passed Stewart Island, and began making our way to the Tasman, we were greeted dead on with a strong Southwesterly wind. The swells were not even close to a consistent roll, and were five meters on average coming at us from the front and side. So basically, for twelve hours, I saw the sky and sea, and the boat would go up, then slam back down as the waves came crashing over the very top cabin of the boat, and then it would get knocked side to side, and appeared as if the boat would just roll right over and back again. It was the same feeling as being on a rollercoaster. Thank goodness I’m not a puker, because I would have been ill. Every single thing took so much effort. These swells would throw one out of their seats, so one can imagine how difficult anything would be (walking, climbing stairs, sitting, standing, making a cup of tea, etc). In addition we had a small oil leak and had to go down and put a liter or two of oil in every two hours. Being in the hot engine room while getting thrown around was quite the challenging task, and not having windows around while doing so was nauseating. It was overwhelmingly exhausting. It was also the kind of thing that begins to mess with the mind because you get so dizzy, nauseous, and exhausted, and there is literally nothing you can do about it for the next twelve hours. I was able to drive to boat for a while to see what it felt like (Wow! Talk about a struggle!) which was a nice distraction. Although miserable, I was still happy that I was able to have this experience. I was traveling through violent seas and one of the roughest seas on Earth, along a coastline that many never even see.
After the longest twelve hours of my life, we made our way into a fiord called Dusky Sound. It’s a beautiful fiord, with many arms coming off of it and small islands within it. It is untouched by man, and one can only ever reach it via coast or through a several day hike over many mountains. It was night time, so I was unable to see anything at that time, so I looked forward to the morning. It was also a treat because there isn’t any sort of swell in the fiords. Finally! All that I could do that evening was eat and go to bed. Every piece of my body hurt.
Day II: Peaceful Waters, Epic Sunsets, and the Most Beautiful Place on Earth:
As soon as I opened my eyes and saw beech forest around me, I was happy and at peace. I jumped out of my sleeping bag, had my brekkie, and had a good look around. We untied the boat and headed out to explore the fiord, before going back out to sea. The fiord was absolutely incredible, full of forested mountains, birds, islands, heaps of Blue Penguins, a group of Bottle-Nosed Dolphins, and sights so beautiful I couldn’t keep my eyes off of everything. Just being able to see this beautiful untouched piece of heaven made up for the twelve hours of violence the day before. I was happy and at peace, and once again grateful to have eyes that work. I took it all in, and saved it in a very special place deep within my heart. I took heaps of photos, and will post once I get enough megabytes here in the middle of nowhere. Finally we made our way out to the Tasman once again. This time, the wind was a Southerly, and we were traveling north, so it was behind us. Although the swells were a couple metres, it made all the difference in the world to have them behind us. In addition they were consistent swells, therefore making them peaceful rather than choppy and violent. I was crewing with Lou (my favourite skipper), and Tristan was crewing with Peter, so luckily Lou let me take the wheel from just after Break Sea (just outside of Dusky Sound) all the way to Doubtful Sound. I had a solid couple of hours behind the wheel. The Fiordland Coastline is the absolute most amazing coastline on Earth. As we made our way north (There are 14 fiords, Milford being the Northern most) the forested mountains just grew bigger. It was just the most amazing piece of green and mountainous coastline I have ever seen. Because fiords are carved out by ice (periods of glaciations over various ice ages) they tend to have high and sheer mountains, which seem to just come straight out of the sea at a 90 degree angle. It’s quite impressive! After mine and Lou’s watch was over, we had our break. The sun had just begun its journey setting. I sat outside and watched the entire sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. Because we were traveling along the west coast and the sun sets west, it was absolutely magnificent, and I was able to see everything occur unobstructed. In addition, there was not a single cloud in the sky. I was able to watch planets rise and set as well, and each and every star that appeared in the sky. When the night skies finally took over, there were billions of stars lighting the way, and the Milky Way stretched from one end of the horizon to the other. Galaxies and Nebulas appeared. During that time I acknowledged the fact that starry skies are quite unique, because they are constantly moving and flickering burning balls of gas in the sky, one can only ever appreciate them fully with the naked eye. I felt extra special in that moment, and saved the most beautiful starry night at sea in my heart. Because the skies were clear and the stars were bright, the mountainous ridgeline on the right was still visible, so I was always aware of its presence. It was a comforting feeling, as there is so much Love and Light in the forest. It was as if the mountains were watching over us, greeting us with their presence.
After about ten hours we made our way to Milford Sound. Milford is quite dramatic in the sense that although the fiord isn’t as big as many of the others, nor does it have islands, but rather the mountains are twice as high, and it has glaciers and permanent waterfalls. There is something very special about Milford, and I could appreciate its novelty even more after seeing a few of the other fiords further south. Although I could have continued sailing for days on the beautifully comforting waters of that day, I was also happy to be in the presence of Milford once again. The moon had only just begun to rise, and I was able to see the most beautiful night time view of the Mitre Peak I could ever imagine. Also, there were heaps of night time sea creatures glowing under the surface of the water. It appeared to be thousands of little blue torches in the water, and was quite a cool sight to see!
We made our way to the main wharf, tied up the good old Milford Adventurer-which I had a new found respect and love for after seeing her fight her way through the chaotic Tasman Seas on the first day, and headed back home to the house to shower and rest. The next day would be a day of cleaning, and the following day we would begin cruising once again. I hadn’t worked in six weeks, and I had (and will have) a 19 day shift ahead of me, followed by two more weeks off after that, so I was happy to lay my head upon my pillow that night, in my warm loving bed with a heart full of the most amazing sights on Earth. Love and Light.

Shamanic Journeys

8 Jun


I’m not journaling this to teach anyone to be a Shaman, if anyone is interested I can offer resources. I am in no way claiming to be a Shaman; I have only just begun my explorations of the non-ordinary reality, but plan to continue these adventures throughout my life. For anyone who wishes for resources, a great book for example, Shamanic Journeying by Sandra Ingerman is an excellent start. Michael Harner has some pretty epic books as well, but Ingerman does a great job at keeping it short and simple. I will explain my journeys with enough detail so that one can understand, but if anyone is interested, do look into it. It’s a beautiful world of healing and expanding the Consciousness. I am excited for the Love, Light, and Wisdom which I will obtain throughout my explorations and Journeys!


Journey #1: Journey to the Lower World to meet my power animal-01 June 2013

I put on the drumming music to tune my brain waves to theta, blind folded (or mind folded) myself, opened my window to hear the music of the forest, took a deep breath, repeated my intention, and was ready to journey. I was off. I used the roots of the Tree fern near the Tutuko Bridge to climb to the Lower World. When I reached the end of the roots, I was underground. It was reddish brown in color, and very Earthy. I looked around and didn’t see anything. It was frustrating to my ego which, of course, questions everything. I had done everything right and didn’t seem to be where I needed to. My creative brain kicked in, as the drumming took me further into a trance. I started digging a hole in the dirt to get lower, and a worm hole sucked me in. I was still not in the right place, but I was en route. I looked around when I landed somewhere in outer space, and there was a mini rocket waiting for me. It was tiny and cozy, and a perfect fit for me. I climbed in, and was off. It took me through space, through galaxies, etc. I felt it physically when we went through this pink colored galaxy, and beyond. The rocket landed. I got out and just stood there for a moment. I read in Sandra Ingerman’s book that it is important to notice settings, senses, etc. So I was in no hurry. I took in my surroundings. It was night time. The moon was bright in the sky, and I was on a beach. The sand, however, was grey, and clay-like in texture. I sank my toes in it; I ran my fingers through it. I looked up and saw a palm tree, surrounded by more bust. Then I heard it, just as clear as it could have ever been in any reality-the ocean. I felt the breeze, and I turned around. There was the sea, and out came my power animal (who has said it is best I keep his identity to myself). This wasn’t just any power animal, it was my power animal!

“Are you my power animal?” I asked with a heart full of Love and hope.

“Yes”. He replied.

“What teachings will you bring me that I will benefit from?” I asked, as Sandra suggested.

“Freedom. Love. Peace.”

He motioned for me to come into the water. This is significant because I’ve always been afraid of water, and am an atrocious swimmer. However, in non-ordinary reality, there are no fears, therefore, I walked right in.

He grabbed my hands and we celebrated. We spun in the water creating a whirlwind, then dove down deep. I was holding onto his fin and he was taking me down further. The water was clear with pink and orange as its color, and I was smiling from my Soul.

We popped through a hole and arrived in a dark place. All that I could see were several small men wearing tribal clothing and holding torches. They were waiting for me. We had a ceremonial celebratory dance, and they greeted me with Love. After our dance, he sat me in a wooden chair. He reached inside my brain and pulled out my ego. He threw it on the ground and stepped on it, and said:

“You won’t be needing this anymore. It’s only getting in the way.”

The drumming changed, indicating my signal to return. I thanked my power animal with Love, and he took me through the hole, back up through the sea, and to the shore where I had landed in my rocket. I thanked him once more, hopped in my rocket, and followed the same route which I had taken. In Shamanic Journeying, this is the route one always takes, so every time I journey to the Lower World, I will do just that.

I arrived in my room where I was lying. I was smiling. The energy exploded from my soul, and I was happy. I had more energy than I had in years! I felt a bit stoned as well, as one does when his brain waves are slowed from the percussion. I wrote down my experience, and then I danced.


Journey #2:

Journey to the Lower World

Every journey needs an intention, and it must be properly stated in order to receive the most beneficial answer. I have a lot of personal work to do, so what an amazing way to deal with some of my fears and issues that are brought on via the Ego. So, here goes one of my fears out to the entire World. I have always been afraid of the dark when I am alone. I can feel the energy of everything around me, and always have been able to. I feel the Spirits of things, and become uncomfortable when I cannot see them, only feel them. As humans, we like to always know and see what is going on, again, this is an ego thing. Therefore today I journeyed with the Intention: How can I free myself from fear?  

This time I decided to do something different to prepare. I had my breakfast first, so that I wasn’t distracted by my hunger (I had been my first journey because I journeyed as soon as I woke up). I had my coffee to avoid the caffeine headache, I prepared my space, and then I played the drumming. I danced around my room naked with my hula hoops whilst whistling, so that I can prepare the space to journey. The drumming on the CD, plus the whistling helps break up the energy, and the hooping and dancing helps stimulate the right brain, the creative brain, in order to prepare the mind for the journey. I also played the longer track this time, as I felt 20 minutes wasn’t entirely enough time to journey. After a few moments, I was ready.

I took three deep breathes and repeated my intention in ordinary reality, then put on my mind fold and was off. It was easier this time because I already knew the path. It’s like anything else, the first time one goes somewhere new and has no idea how to get there or what it looks like, it takes a bit longer. Now that I know what I am to see and expect to an extent, I got to my sea quicker. This time the sun had just begun to rise over the sea. My power animal was there waiting for me. I stated my intention, and he took me under the water. This time, however, we didn’t just dart down, we stopped underwater.

“Breathe.” was all he said.

At first my ego didn’t want me to. Everyone knows one cannot breathe underwater, but this is non-ordinary reality, and there are no limits here. So, I breathed. I breathed and laughed as my lungs filled with Love.

He took me lower. We passed the dark place we had been two days ago, and continued even lower.

We came to a forest. The moon had just begun to rise as the sun set. We began walking through the forest. After a short amount of time I saw an owl in a tree.

“Are you one of my power animals?” I asked.

“Yes.” Owl replied.

“What teachings will you bring me?” I questioned, excitedly.

“Security. Wisdom. The ability to see at night. I am a radar in the darkness” He replied. (I believe there was one more, but I had forgotten by the end of the journey).

He flew down and landed on my shoulder, with the yellow beaming lights from his radar eyes leading the way in the dark forest. We walked together. A snake appeared, but when I asked him if he was a power animal, he replied “Now is not the time for my teachings, I am simply joining you as a friend on your walk through the forest.” I was excited with anticipation knowing that there is a lesson from Snake sometime in my future.

As the three us walked through the forest, a tiger jumped out in front of us, and was looking directly at me, snarling and growling, drooling, and showing his teeth. Initially I was frightened, but quickly remembered that in non-ordinary reality I am always safe, and all spirits are compassionate, this was simply a lesson. The spirits speak telepathically and with metaphors, so the word “Trust” popped into my head from Tiger. I asked if he was a power animal for me and he said yes. I also cannot remember exactly what he said when I asked which teachings he’d be bringing me, but I feel like he showed me rather than telling me. He walked up to me, and I stroked his beautiful fur, and with my hand on his back shoulders, we walked together. He led the way by roaring his mighty roar, scaring everything out of the way. He was here to protect me. He was here to keep me safe, and scare off anything that could potentially harm me or bother me, and he was demonstrating this as we walked about.

We started to walk back for some reason, and as we did, I pet him some more. I thought I was meant to go back because we walked back, and he said, “Wait”. He rubbed on my sides, and then walked between my legs so that I ended up on his back, and he took off like lightening with me on his back through the forest. It was liberating and full of strength, Love, excitement, and honor. I couldn’t have felt safer! Tiger would protect me. He roared his mighty roar and snarled at anything that looked my way. We came upon an elephant. He roared and scared it off. I asked the elephant if it was a power animal for me, and it replied, “No, I am simply here to prove a point.” He was there for me to see that even an elephant wouldn’t bother me with Tiger protecting me. We went back to where the others had been waiting. I thanked Tiger, and then owl grabbed my hand. He took me for a flight and used his bright eyes to show me all that I could not see in the dark. There were all of the nighttime creatures about that some would deem “scary”, all the creepy crawly bugs, and even spirits wandering about. He shined the light on them, and showed me that they may appear scary, but are all full of Light, Love, and purpose. They must look scary to survive as nighttime creatures, however are harmless. Then he gave me the ability to see at night by putting his face against the back of my head, shining the lights of his eyes through mine so that I could see for myself. Even the spooky ghostly spirits were friendly, loving beings. A bat flew by. It wasn’t a power animal, just popped over, and I was able to see it with the eyes of Owl. We flew back. The drumming was calling me back, so I kissed Owl on the nose and thanked him. Tiger then tackled me to the ground playfully, and placed his right paw on my cheek so that I could feel the warmth of his love. He licked my face and I laughed. I got up and thanked him as well, then said goodbye. My main power animal took me back.

On our way back up through the sea I noticed an Octopus. I saw it because I could now see in the dark. It wasn’t a power animal, just there hanging out. Then, before we reached the shore, he stopped me underwater again. He reminded me to breathe. I took a few breathes with smiles and Love. We continued to the shore. I realized it was non-ordinary reality, so I can feed him anything. I picked some red berries from a tree, and when I blessed them with all my Love they grew ripe and plump. I gave them to my power animal, thanked him once more, and said goodbye. I returned to my bedroom and wrote down my epic experience.

I hadn’t had any internet to look up what my power animal meant when I did my first journey, and when I did today, after my second journey, I was amazed because it related to my second journey immensely. Here is what my particular power animal represents and teaches:

The sea, wisdom, eloquence, freedom, magic, change, discovery, truth, communication, trust, balance, and harmony. Create a rhythm in your life. Learn to release intense emotions through breathing. (!) Water element magic for releasing negative or debilitating emotions.

How awesome is that- that I read that after my second journey, after my power animal made me breathe under the water! Chew on that, skeptics!

Love and Light!

Death, Birth, and Sex

8 Jun

I arrived in Milford after my beautiful birthday in Doubtful Sound, and my newly acquired enlightenment and mission. I took the coach, so I arrived in the afternoon and at the terminal. I popped in to say hi to Courtney (the office girl and my friend), and I was greeted with all of the books that I ordered! Yay! I know that timing is everything, and I had to receive the messages that I did from my journey in Doubtful, in order to have a mission to work toward. I realized immediately that until I got my books and learned to do Shamanic Journeying for further guidance, I would be at a standstill.
I excitedly hurried home to unpack and open all my books! I had four, and of the four I closed my eyes and put my hand over each to see which I should read first. Sandra Ingerman’s Shamanic Journeying was it! I was excited to open up this world. I have experience with Shamans in the past, and it has always been quite interesting and profound, so I was stoked to open up this world for myself and expand my consciousness. I had a feeling this world had been awaiting my arrival as well. I started reading, and noticing that as I read, my philosophies and visions were not just my philosophies and visions! My “web” of life that I have always envisioned is not just my vision. In fact, after I finished that book, the next book by Dr. Bruce Lipton The Biology of Belief emphasized on this web and showed the scientific side in relevance to Quantum Physics!
Lipton’s book was also quite profound, and I knew I had to read his book before I attempted my first journey. I wasn’t sure why entirely, but I trusted that I needed to knowledge of his work. His book was quite profound as well, and I will not attempt to rewrite it in my blog, but I will absolutely recommend it, and if nothing else, go to a bookstore, find it, and read the Epilogue! The whole book is great, but the Epilogue was the most enlightening part relative to my “Ah-hah!” moments in Life.
During my book reading, a few days after I got back (or maybe during my shift…time jumbles together here) the Milford Road was closed. This wasn’t just a typical road closure (Google the Milford Road for those of you, or most of you, that are not familiar with it to fully understand) due to some rock blasting or avalanche off-setting. This was a serious rock blasting project that would take two weeks of good weather, and during that time no one can travel on the road because the rock would be far too unstable. Now, let’s get serious. This is a rainforest, and it is winter! However, the companies here did not want to sacrifice two weeks of only business from the helicopter and fix-wing flights coming in (also only during good weather) during peak season, so the construction had to wait until the dead of the winter because of the almighty dollar as usual. This means to me, that I get paid until the end of the month, find small jobs to do around the boat and house, etc. Then at the end of May my contract would switch over (yes, I finally have a bloomin’ contract!), my holiday pay would get paid out (so I’d get paid until about the 10th of June for holiday pay), and get to hang out in the forest because there won’t be any work for a few weeks or potentially a month. In addition, the boat is now in Bluff (the tip of the South Island) getting its biannual work done, so until it comes back there literally isn’t any work. I’m blessed to be able to fly out of here when it’s ready and come back up the coast on the boat, so I am totally stoked for that epic adventure. Anyhow, the current point is that everyone is gone from the house but me, so I have this beautiful opportunity to do my Shamanic Journeying and get in touch with my creativity. I could have gotten (and can still get) a flight out of here on nice days, but why?! I am in the most beautiful place on Earth, and I have enough food. If I run out, then I get my spear and go spear something for dinner. It’s not so serious! I have a whole sea in front of my face with heaps of dinner swimming around in it. I have Manuka Tea Trees all around, Cabbage trees, flax, etc. The point, I’m not going to die. I have the whole forest to play in and all of the abundance within it. Plus, I don’t have to battle anyone’s negative energy. I can be me and be free!
The day after the boat left for Bluff, just last Saturday, would be my first journey. I believe that was the 1st of June. Now, I have journaled my first two journeys separately, and will post them after this. I’ll only share enough in this entry to make everything else clear. Feel free to take the time to pause here and read my first two and then come back to this. It’s worth reading, especially if you are a skeptic! Plus it will make my next journey that I am about to explain make sense.
Okay, so, you know I discovered my power animal my first journey, and my second journey I received the gifts of strength and security from Tiger and Owl, as well as many others. So since this has happened, I’ve also been extremely at peace and in tune with my right brain. Without my Left brain (masculine/Ego) in the way of my right brain (feminine/creativity), I have been nourishing my creative Self without fully realizing it was happening. I started to sew again…I made a thing to hang my jewelry on, a couple of skirts from old material and household stuff…I’ve borrowed Courtney’s guitar to pick that up again, learn chords and make music, became creative with my cooking, I’ve brewed two batches of beer, and just being Me. I felt and feel a shift.
My blog is my life, which is why (for example) I posted pictures of me bawling over my dear friend, Sascha, when we parted ways, and I will not hide anything, for this is My Story!
I have always been open sexually. I’ve slept with men and women, but have never claimed anything or even found it significant to give thought to. I’ve always thought of it as just fun and that I could never date a woman because women are nuts and that I predominantly like men. Then something strange happened.
I hadn’t slept with anyone since Danger, and that was the day after the Milford Ball. I was dying. I had made a few attempts, but none of them felt right. I was, of course, attracted to Danger’s awesome Soul, but knew it was trouble. I knew anyone in Milford would be trouble. There were a few nice guys, but those were the guys that I talked to as if they were my girlfriends, so any sexual attempt would just be absolutely awkward and unnatural.
The other night Courtney rang me to have a cocktail at the pub. We shared some wine and had a nightcap. There is a beautiful Argentinean man who works in the kitchen at the Milford Pub. In fact, I don’t even know his name; he’s called “Pretty Boy”. After a nice gin and tonic, Courts and I headed down to the foreshore for a bonfire with the few people that are staying in here. Pretty Boy was there. Courts hadn’t had anything for dinner, and got tipsy quickly, so I decided to walk her home. Pretty Boy walked with us because it was pitch black out and we didn’t have a torch, and he did. He is basically the sweetest guy on Earth as well, just a genuine Soul. We put Courts to bed and he walked me to my car. I thanked him and said goodnight. I was ready to go home and go to bed. The wine and gin combo put me in the right state for a peaceful night and proper night’s sleep. I’m a huggy person, so I gave Pretty Boy a hug and said goodnight, and of course, he leaned in for a kiss. It had been what seemed like an eternity, so I went with it, even though I wasn’t really feeling it (which is SO NOT ME). After contemplating, he talked his way back to my house. I was basically just going through the motions, even though I felt nothing. My life has been like Sex and the City for years, and I have some pretty spontaneous and epic stories, so it wouldn’t be like me to say no to this beautiful man. We got back to my house, and got naked. Then it happened. During the midst of what should have been hot passionate sex with a beautiful and nice man, it happened. All that I could think about was how much I would rather be in bed with a woman. I couldn’t do it. I felt absolutely nothing. I was almost pissed off, because I really wanted to have hot sex. I told him I just couldn’t do it. The poor guy! I almost just slept with him out of the trouble he went through, but it would be disingenuous, and that’s not me. Although in that moment I wasn’t sure who the hell me was! Anyone that knows me knows that I would never do such a thing. I love sex. I’m a free-spirited sexual being. I took him home, apologized, and said goodnight.
I went home and sobered up in order to make sure I didn’t have some sort of debilitating stroke which impeded my sexual desires. I couldn’t figure it out. I slept on it, spent the whole next day thinking about it. Who am I? I had to journey on it. My Spirit guides would have the answer for me. I just needed a whole day to integrate this. Could I be a full blown lesbian? How could I have missed that all these years?! I mean, it makes absolute sense if I were. I’ve always been attracted to women, I’ve slept with women, I think about women most of the time when I’m in my “happy place”…. I’ve just been keeping my creativity in a cage. I’ve been predominantly left brained. So I had a half a bit of wine, and went to bed, eager for my journey the next day.
The Epic Journey:
This journey is the most profound. To think, only three journeys and I am having these incredible experiences already! I am truly connected! So anyway, with every journey one needs an intention.
Intention (for my power animal/Spirit): Please help me receive clarity on my sexuality
I arrived at the shore, and it was dark and grey. Things happened significantly quicker than before. My power animal was already there, as if he had been awaiting this. As soon as I stated my intention, he grabbed my hand and took me to the Moon. I’ll stop there just for a second-for the skeptics. Now I had imagined what could possibly come of this journey, even had a vision in my head, so I was anticipating and even trying to imagine a welcoming committee to celebrate up there on the Moon with me. As soon as I tried to imagine, however, it was wiped straight away. My left brain was shut right out, and I could only just go with whatever was happening in the journey. So there we were, on the Moon, and there was only just a post. A wooden sign, white background with a rainbow heart on it. The word “skeleton” popped into my head, and I said that I didn’t understand, so he took me to another Universe to show me. We traveled through several transitional places, and got to a place where there was only Light. It was so bright, that it was blinding. My room was dark in ordinary reality, and I was blind-folded, so this had to be real, because it was the brightest Light I had ever seen. He sat me in a chair, held a mirror out in front of me, but it wasn’t me in the mirror, it was a skeleton. (I learned later what this means and will explain at the end, absolutely relevant and significant!) Then he took me back to the shore. This is when the absolute intensity began. I cannot explain the amount of shame I felt. Everything was grey and dark, and I was ashamed. This could only mean that somewhere in my subconscious mind I had been ashamed of this. I felt lower than I had ever felt in my life.(I found this significant because I may be able to lie to myself in ordinary reality and say that I am secure and without shame, but here, in this beautiful place, there are no secrets, no hiding from ourselves.) I was on my hands and knees on the shore, sulking. I felt as if I had disappointed everyone, including my power animal. I got up to thank him shamefully, grabbed his hands (or fins, I suppose) to say goodbye and it was just then that he showed the sharpest and most terrifying teeth, and bit my hand. I was shocked, and terrified! I thought this was a safe place! This can’t be happening here! Did I upset him? What did I do? I tried to feed him berries from a tree, and that wasn’t it. It was like standing in front of a rabid Rottweiler. I turned around and saw my rocket sitting in the sand, and went to flee for it, and he leaped out and caught me by the foot and began to eat me. It was then that I realized that this was not a bad thing. This was a beautiful gift. It was a Dismemberment Journey! What a beautiful gift! Normally one has to journey with the intention of a Dismemberment Journey. What these do are offer healing and new beginnings. Something kills you, eats you, you can be burned, etc, and then you are rebuilt, or recreated! That’s why I was shocked. In ordinary reality I would have figured that out right away, but just as when Tiger jumped out in front of me in my second journey showing his teeth, I cannot recall things when I am journeying. I know better, but when I am journeying I can only be in that moment and that place. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a beautiful thing! After he ate me, the Sun arose, four tornadoes popped up, and all the animals came from the forest to help rebuild me! As they rebuilt me, they made me a giant! They said I was bigger, stronger, and full of more Light and Love than ever before. I was new. They took a giant rainbow heart and put it in my chest. Then they all grew giant to celebrate with me. I have literally never felt so overwhelmed with emotion, with Love, pure Love and Light in my entire existence. I exploded with tears. This was the most beautiful moment of my Life! My power animal apologized for scaring me, (even though it was a beautiful gift of Love), I just hadn’t caught on straight away so I was literally terrified almost to death! Or literally I suppose, in that reality. We popped champagne and celebrated, letting it explode like a waterfall. I was a giant, beautiful, naked, strong, secure, new woman! To lighten my intense emotional state, they made me turn around only to see that they had put a giant sign on my naked back that read “GAY”! HAH! I laughed with tears of joy. That was all the clarity and more that I could ever ask for! And what a beautiful blessing of a Dismemberment Journey, without even having to ask for it! I thanked them with all the Love in my new heart and said goodbye, and returned to my body, removed my blindfold, and realized I had tears on my face still, and they were tears of happiness and Love. I’M A FREAKING LESBIAN! HAH!
I learned later that the Skeleton symbolizes death. Of course! The old me died. She was eaten by my power animal because that chapter is now closed and doesn’t suit me anymore. The new me was reborn, or rebuilt. I fit this me better. How beautiful!
It all makes sense though. None of my male relationships ever worked, and it was always the sex that went downhill because we became awkwardly like best mates rather than passionate beings. Every single time, the sex died. It was more of a chore and something that I wanted in order to feel wanted and loved. And I was always stressed in every relationship.
Well why the hell have I slept with men for the last thirteen years?! You wonder. That’s as simple as this:
I was instilled with insecurity for the first sixteen years of my horrific (but beautiful when one zooms out to see the gifts involved in this path…) childhood. Men symbolize strength and security. Well why now? Well, Owl and Tiger blessed me with the gifts of strength and security in my second journey. I finally feel strong and secure, in addition to creative. It took me a while to make that connection. My right brain, my feminine energy has been released. Timing is everything, and I was simply not ready. I needed to have all of the experiences I did. I needed the Life lessons; I needed the gifts that I was blessed with from John, and Chris, (my two long-term relationships). I needed to make those connections for several reasons (another time, another chapter!). For example, John, and his new wife are incredible people who are still a huge part of my family’s life, they take care of my Mum, and their kids are like her grandkids (the Universe knows my brother and I will never bless our Mum with grandbabies, so she has John & Gracie’s babies to love, and they all know that). Another thing that came to my realization was drawn from dream interpretations. You know how sometimes you dream of having sex with someone inappropriate, like a hideous boss, a sibling, etc? Well these dreams are interpreted that one dreams these dreams because the person they are having inappropriate sex with obtains qualities that the dreamer desires. These men that I have slept with have qualities that I had desired. Of course I think hot guys are hot. Straight men can recognize that. That’s what confused me. It was simply my insecurities that made me sleep with them. It wasn’t the sex I wanted from them; it was the closeness that offered security and strength. Hell, when I met Taff (after Sascha), I had been checking out his sister! Just last week I thought about inviting this hot girl over for wine, and about two months ago I asked two hot Austrian lesbians out for drinks (one was jealous though, so they never showed…but really timing is everything…I was getting ahead of myself!). Even one long night at the Milford Pub, there was a band playing and the singer came up to me afterward. We were just randomly chatting, and this bartender from Queenstown was like “You two both have dreads, you should hook up”, and I was like “I’d be more interested in you actually.” Hah! This explains why my relationship with Sascha was so confusing. Of course I love him dearly! But we only slept together a couple of times, and it was awkward, for no other reason that we were best friends, not lovers! Every relationship ends up “awkward” in the sex depo. Now I know why! I’m friggin gay! How exciting! No wonder none of my relationships worked out, or ever felt remotely right! You know, as I recall, an old Shaman friend of mine from the past once told me that it wouldn’t be until I was 27 that I would be able to have a stable and healthy relationship. Now I get it! Hah!
So here I am, integrating all of this beauty, and enjoying my new me that I have been blessed with. Really it’s the same me, I’ve just shed a layer of skin. I’m becoming my Soul. I am growing into my big Soul and finding the real me. This is all important and relevant in my journey and mission to save the world. How can I save the entire world if I am not whole myself? Therefore, my next few journeys will be Self-healing… Then I will begin journeying for my mission. Save Fiordland, save New Zealand, save the world (whatever that means, I trust the path!).
In the meantime, here are some things that I have compiled that make me happy about being a lesbian (what a bloody relief!):
1. I can finally have guy friends without the absolute exhaustion of their jealous misses (!!!)
2. I don’t have to explain to ugly guys why I do not want to go out on dates with them, all I have to say is “Sorry mate, I’m a lesbian.” (Winning)
3. I have the double edged sword of lying to any hideous lumberjack Lesbos and telling them that I am straight.
4. I don’t have to try to fit a square peg in a round hole anymore (sex with guys/relationships with guys)
5. I don’t have to explain my philosophical reasons to my persistent family members as to why I will never have children, I can simply say, “I’m a lesbian”. (Yeah, I know there are millions of options; I get that too, but seriously, no).
6. I get the absolute satisfying pleasure of telling persistent perverts at the pub that they are wasting their time, I am a lesbian. Then I get to enjoy the defeated look on their face. Guys like that are exhausting.
7. I can sport a rainbow flag, legit status.
8. I can go hunting with the guys. (FINALLY!)
9. I can still get invited to guys’ nights even though I’m a hot chick (although I usually do anyway) and no one will think I’m just a dumb whore trying to get with the guys.
10. (Drum roll…)…The greatest one of them all: I get to bang hot chicks. Winning.

So there it is. Also, I just want to clarify that I am not coming out of the closet; I have simply just realized what I have always been. Everyone knows I have no shame in who I am (or at least the rebuilt me, hehe), and I always put my life out there to share with the world, in hopes to inspire someone, somewhere with Light and Love. In addition, I would like to be a beautiful example of the non-stereotypical textbook lesbian. (Nothing but Love to those who are), but for the conservative people (although I doubt there are many conservatives reading my work!), because I have realized that I am a lesbian it does not mean that I will stop shaving my fun parts, grow a mullet, wear any sort of flannel, or be any less feminine than I am. I embrace my femininity with all my Love. I’m only becoming more of this! I’m excited for my journey ahead.
One last thing, for you, my beautiful Readers:
I purposely did not post my realization on Facebook because I owed it to you to learn about first. All of you beautiful Souls that take time out of your life to share the Love and interest of my world deserve to know the newest, most exciting and special events that occur in my life. I can only hope that you find some sort of inspiration from my journeys, and take that inspiration into your own lives and make your world special. Thank you again for all your Love, Light, and support through this beautiful adventure called “Life”. All my Love and Light to you all!

Another Year Older

8 Jun

There it was, my 27th birthday was approaching. By “chance” it happened to fall on my days off. Day one of four, in fact. I decided to take a trip to one of the fiords a bit further south of Milford that is also accessible via land…kind of. (Land, water, land over a mountain). It’s called Doubtful Sound. I had booked an overnight stay on a boat on this fiord, which was far larger than the fiord on which I worked, and had several branches from it (to make sense of this, Google Milford Sound-where I work, and Google Doubtful Sound-you will see what I mean).
Luckily, because I work for Jucy in Milford, I was able to get an epic discount on my overnight cruise of Doubtful through Real Journeys. As I was getting on the Jucy coach to Te Anau the night before (after my last day of my shift in Milford), I saw a local Milfordite who said “Where are your hoops, Kim?” It was a guy named Dave who is from Southern California and works for Southern Discoveries (Red Boats). I noticed he had a twin brother next to him. I realized immediately that I had probably introduced myself to both of them a million times thinking they were the same person, seeing as how they were completely identical! I responded, “I can’t take em with me on the boat, I’m doing an overnight in Doubtful tomorrow for my birthday!” And they responded with, “So are we! We’ll see ya there!”
It was nice to have friends there for sure, but of course, being the independent and secure person that I am, it was certainly not needed.
I stayed at my usual place, The Aden Motel, in Te Anau. It’s a cozy place, full of warmth and Love. The owner is a kind soul, and I enjoy giving her my business.
I woke up, and it was my birthday. My heart was full of Love and excitement, as if I were a child all over again. I love birthdays! Of course I missed all of my loved ones back in the States, but I was in the most beautiful place on Earth, let’s be honest! I grow endlessly here, and I could not have been happier to be going to Doubtful Sound. It’s amazing how timing works as well, because I had wanted to go to Doubtful when I was wwoofing in Tuatapere, but never quite made it. The timing wasn’t right. I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate it the same. I wouldn’t know what I was seeing. Now that I work on a fiord and know what everything is, as well as the struggles of the rain forest, my heart could be fully and wholly invested into this journey.
I hopped on the bus to start the first part of the adventure. The bus took us to Manapouri, where I picked up my lunch and hopped on a boat to go across Lake Manapouri. On the other side of the Lake was another bus to take us over the mountain and to the fiord, where our overnight vessel would be waiting.
I took in all of the sights, but could not bring myself to take any photos. This was my birthday, and this was just for me. I have saved the images in my Heart. Plus, it’s all just too big to capture and integrate in one photo. It’s not fair to the landscape!
We hopped on the boat, and Dave and his family offered me a spot at their table. We were shown our rooms and made our way down the fiord. At one stage we stopped, and people could either kayak or go out on a nature guided tour on a small boat. It was absolutely pissing down rain as well. Luckily I work in the rain forest on a fiord and understand that this is normal, and can even appreciate the rain. I know that rain creates thousands of temporary waterfalls on the sheer glacial carved mountains, and adds a beautiful level of enchantment to the fiord and forest. I decided to go out on the small boat for the nature guided tour around one of the arms (or branches) of the fiord.
I learned heaps from Jason, the guide, and was delighted to be around people who were just as passionate as I am about the forest. In addition it made me realize how negative some of the people that I am surrounded with on the boat that I work on are, and the compassion that they lack. There wasn’t a single employee who seemed as if they hated their job (but how could one, really?!).
Afterward, I was drenched and chilled to the bone. It was fine, because my room (my awesome upgraded room!) had a shower. So, it just made the hot shower that much better.
I went back to the dining room, and dinner was about to be served. I was extremely excited for a proper meal! I bought a beer and a bottle of wine, and sat down with Dave and Joe’s mum for a cocktail while we waited on the boys.
The dinner spread was then presented, and it was unreal. There was everything from vegetarian goodies to Akaroa Salmon, roast New Zealand Lamb (!!!!!), heaps of different veggies, salads, sauces, breads, etc, etc, etc! Everything was absolutely incredible. Real Journeys has some absolutely talented chefs!
After the most incredible meal I had had in a very long time, the most beautiful desserts were presented and laid out. The girl presenting desserts announced a couple of honeymooners, then my birthday. She said they had something special for me, and the sweetest girl came from the kitchen with a hunk of epic looking cake with a candle in it, and everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to me! It was such a beautiful surprise. A girl named Keren made the cake, it was an extremely moist (sorry Tami Dennis if you’re reading this, I know you hate that word!) coffee cake. It was literally the best cake I have ever eaten in my life. It received mouth orgasm status.
After dessert, Jason put on a presentation, and Joe, Dave, their Mum and I had some more wine and watched. It was quite informative, and also reiterated on some of the important issues that the forest struggles with that I emphasize on. When it was over, the vessel was anchored and the skipper and crew came out to hang out. Everyone was incredibly friendly and wished me “Happy Birthday”. Joe and I finished off the bottle of wine, and went outside in an attempt to catch some epic star gazing. It was okay, but was quite cloudy because it had been rainy. We decided to call it a night, and I retired to my awesome room with my big, cozy, bed, with the sea just outside my window shining in with Love.
The next morning was the most profound. What happened that day was so profound that I couldn’t even write about it for a few weeks because I had to integrate it. It was too big.
After our brekkie, we were greeted with a beautiful morning as we cruised through the fiord. It was absolutely lovely. The most amazing part was the “Sound of Silence” that they always do the next morning after an overnight cruise. The skipper took us to the most beautiful arm of the fiord, and then turned off all the engines and generators, and no one was allowed to talk or move for fifteen minutes.
I love that they did this, because it isn’t often enough that we just stop and listen. There is so much life all around us in the forest. The birds, the invasive species, the wind through the trees, the waterfalls, the Love, the struggles, the constant battle for survival of all living things…My eyes filled with tears. It was beautiful…it was so many things.
Then it happened. It was kind of like when I listen to the trees. It just came to me:
Hope, and hold on. Hold on to New Zealand, to Fiordland, because it is the last hope for this planet. New Zealand is the last “untouched” place by man. There were never any natural predators. Man has done a number, but it isn’t too late…yet (but getting close). Save the rainforest in New Zealand in order to save the World.
That was my beautiful and profound message. I had to save the forest. How the hell do I do that?! I thought…but that wasn’t for me to know in that moment. Just like everything else, timing is everything. I just had to integrate this and stay open to the Universe for her guidance.
When I made it back to Te Anau that day, I was still wrapping around the huge message which I had received. I needed to spark my creativity. I needed to think. No. I needed to feel. My mind was going insane, so I decided to take a starlight walk through this mini path that leads to the beginning of the Kepler Track. The wee walk was just around part of the lake. I grabbed my torch and headed to the trail.
As soon as I entered the trail, I heard a noise in the trees. I shined my torch to the top, and there was an Australian Opossum staring down at me. I looked around, and there were two more. This was why I needed to be there. These are horrible invasive species, and a huge issue to the forest. Now, this wasn’t even any sort of dense bush, and there were these creatures everywhere…imagine what the dense forests are battling! My God! I realized I wasn’t actually meant to go for a walk, so I headed back down to the lake and sat down under the stars, eyes filled with tears of frustration. Of course I cannot hate these animals; they are simply doing their job. It was man who brought them over. Now we must sacrifice these poor animals in order to save the forest, and all of the native birds whose numbers are declining every single day.
I sat there for a few moments, and tried to clear my head so that I could be receptive to the Universe. I noticed a tree in the distance. There was a message for me. I went over to it, placed a hand on my heart and a hand on the tree, with my intention of saving the forest in my heart. I saw a fine tooth comb going through the forest, top to bottom. That was my message. I thanked the tree for his wisdom, and sat back down by the lake for a while longer. That was it. There was no easy, Band-Aid answer for the severe problems of the forest. I needed an army. I needed a plan. I needed to tap into my creative mind…

The Winds of Change

11 May

Anytime a state of “Limbo” seems to present itself, I recognize it to be change. There is a massive amount of stuff up in the air right now. As I do, I will go with the flow of life. That’s when the gifts present themselves you know!
My job. I was hired on the boat as a seasonal employee. This meant that when winter happens I no longer have work. However, with staff changes, a change of management, and lots going on as far as potentially getting another vessel since our numbers are exploding, this means that I may have the potential to extend my contract throughout winter, or even “permanently”. (Not that anything in life is permanent, especially in my life). I have fallen very much in Love with my job as well. I had never worked on a boat in my life, and knew zilch before this epic experience fell into my lap. I have since been learning about the mechanics of the vessel on which I work as well as being trained to drive the boat and do the commentary. I absolutely Love it. My soul is happy because I am growing and learning. I finally was able to put the bug in my manager’s ear about wanting a permanent position, and Tristan applied for University so he plans to leave (which is good for me as far as having a job goes). He’s on holiday at the moment but a letter from a Uni did come in for him at the office, so I’m stoked to see what happens. However, I did have a brief moment of insecurity.
As human beings we tend to forget. We need constant little reminders, and luckily I am open to them. When I found out Tristan got the letter from his Uni, I got a bit angry. He hasn’t told any of the bosses that he wants to leave, but he plans to leave by August no matter what. If he gets accepted to Uni he will leave in July. I’m only on the roster for May, and no one, not even the bosses know yet if I’ll be needed further. I can only hope, because I want to stick around here for a while and I really need money since the car incident. There are also heaps to learn and explore. Plus, winter is epically gorgeous here, and after winter comes beautiful spring and tramping season, which means I can go on long several day tramps through some of the glorious tracks here in Milford. So, I had a bit of a sour moment towards my dear friend, Tristan. I thought, how selfish of him! He has a home to go home to, security, etc, plus he’s leaving no matter what. Why can’t he just let the bosses know so that I can secure my own position?! If they get rid of me then he leaves anyway that’s absolute crap! If I leave here I live in my tent! And it’s winter now! Then I remembered. I remembered that human beings forget, as I had done. It is not my place to screw Tristan and tell the bosses. It is simply my place to let them know I am keen to grow and learn with the company. Whatever is meant to happen will, and it will be for my greatest good even if I cannot see it. If I leave Milford, I may also have to give my car back to Rosco. So, when things like this present themselves, one must always sort out a “worst case scenario”, because it is not usually that bad at all once it is sorted. This fear and insecurity comes from resistance to change. I have a good thing here and it is nice having a decent income. Why would I want to leave? However, if there is something greater out there for me I cannot miss it. One can only trust the guidance of the Universe. I can never know how or why anything is before it is, but once I take my leap of faith and end up where I am meant to, I always see clearly the why and how. I am always grateful I take the leaps. I find it exciting and welcome these “Limbo” situations with Love, because I understand that they present themselves when these leaps of faith are being prepared.
So, here is my “worse case” scenario. I’d like to rename that, because “worse” makes it seem negative, when really, like my car accident, they are gifts which have not yet presented themselves in proper form. I will rename it my alternate route. Here is what would happen: I give Horey’s car back to Rosco. I rent a car from my company at cost. I travel north up the west coast and finally finish that huge and epic part of New Zealand which I detoured from when I got this job. I’ll head to Nelson at the top end of the South Island, which is the sunniest part in all NZ. I will stay at a skipper’s dad’s house and help him out on his farm. If money is needed, I can work at a restaurant which a coach driver’s sister owns and he already promised a job if ever needed. That doesn’t seem bad at all, aye? Once this alternative route was mapped out and easily accepted, a weight was lifted. And, perhaps, none of that will actually happen, but I’ll be heading in a direction and open to whatever it is that is meant to happen. I had released my resistance and re-opened my heart. I also felt horrible about having bitter feelings toward Tristan. I Love Tristan! My Milford family is my family here. Even if I don’t get an extension on my contract and Tristan leaves anyway, it’s okay because it will have needed to happen that way. Everything will work out for everyone’s greatest good as it always does.
Once I accepted this, I decided to pop on the tele and check out some BBC Knowledge. As always, I was inspired. There was a program on about Lagos and the government and corruption. Shortly after, I was intrigued by CNN’s African Voices session. It was about a woman in Uganda who was a Midwife and taught mothers and women family planning. I was so inspired by this I was in awe. I cried when the woman spoke. I cried because she worked solely out of Love. Not just any Love, Unconditional Love. This was the most beautiful portrayal of Love I have seen in humanity in a long time. This Midwife worked 24 hours a day, when any woman needs her she is there. Babies and mothers do not die on her watch. Also, a beautiful “coincidence” is that this takes place in Uganda. My soul is so drawn to Uganda for some reason. I know that I have work there. Maybe I can work with this woman in her clinic! I can learn the native tongue and learn about humanity and true, pure, Unconditional Love. I will be looking into this seriously. I do trust that I’ll get there if I’m meant to, and I know that timing is everything. All that I need to do is a bit of research, but most important, stay open.
After my beautiful inspiration, I went outside to absorb and integrate my release of resistance and to open my heart to the Universe. The night sky was clear as, so every possible star, nebula, planet, and the Milky Way were totally visible. It sent shivers down my spine from its epic beauty and energy. Another thing that I noticed was the wind. I find rain to be cleansing and wind to symbolize change. It had been rainy all last week (which I took advantage of and hooped in my bikini in the storm) , and the last two days have had high winds. (I’m talking HIGH! Out on the boat in the fiord we have been known to experience wind gusts from a strong Norwester up to 80 knots and more, which is about 80 mph or 160km per hour! That would be considered hurricane weather, but for us it’s a normal day). I felt that I needed to hoop with my LED hoop under the Milky Way with the outlines of the blackened mountains embracing my soul. I needed this so that I could do something free and creative to absorb and integrate my acceptance and willingness to change. Whilst hooping with my arms wide open facing the South and looking up at the Milky Way and all of the beautiful stars and planets accompanying us, I let the Universe know that I release all resistance and am willing and open to change. Just then a massive gust of wind blew straight into my soul, I felt the winds of change surrounding me, wrapping my body and removing any remaining resistance, and then it continued on back into the atmosphere. I felt cleansed, happy, and whole. I had tears in my eyes. Light was restored in my soul. I was able to go to bed that night with a clear head and warm and open heart. I always lay in bed with my drapes open, and many nights have issues falling asleep, simply because I cannot close my eyes. I don’t want to stop looking at the starry skies wrapped in the mountains, draped in the rainforest. Also, the first thing that I see when I open my eyes are the pink morning skies, the waterfalls flowing from the mountains to the valley, and the massive mountains and rainforest. I’m also greeted with the beautiful songs of the native birds of the forest. Life is absolutely perfect.
With that said, I will be keen to see what ends up happening as far as my job goes. Am I meant to stay here in Milford and get my skipper’s ticket? Am I meant to move on? Who knows? Who cares?! Life’s not so serious! It’s a beautiful adventure. I’m open and receptive to change, Light, Love, and all the good and abundance in the Universe. I’ll keep everyone posted once I know. Until then, have a voice and make it heard, and always remember to act out of Love in every situation no matter what. It’s Unconditional Love that will bring world peace. Love & Light.


2 May

This is one of the most difficult things for human beings to do. One month ago today as I was leaving Milford Sound, when a tourist who had no concept of the rules of the road parked in the left lane until I was about to pass, then pulled a u-turn in front of my car, leaving it written off (or totaled). Immediately after that (as I posted in a previous blog as well as Facebook) I was aware that this was no atrocity. This was a gift. Aside from the inconvenience of having to deal with this now and battling the responsible party’s insurance company, it wasn’t a big deal. I trusted that every single thing in my world happens for my greatest good, and the Universe reacts from the energy which I emit and my needs to guide me to where I need to be or the lessons I need to learn in order to guide me to save the world. I trust that my needs are always met. I trust and know that the Universe is an abundant place and there is always enough. I can see that clearly all around me. When it rains here, thousands of waterfalls pour from the mountain tops. I can drink water from any river, stream, waterfall, or lake. I can shower as long as and as much as I want, because there is always enough. That’s just one example which helps my physical body to integrate this concept and use it to expand my consciousness. I trust that everything that I need and want within the boundaries of respect and Love, I have and get. I believe this, because it is.

Another thing that I make sure that I do is to listen. Aside from listening to trees, I listen to my own soul. There are many times when I have no idea why I have a sudden urge to be somewhere, do something, or sometimes just a word in my head appears. I trust this nonetheless, and every single time I listen to it regardless of its absurdities. Every single time, this intuition leads me to the right place, and after the situation occurs it makes sense. I am fine tuning out my ego. Human beings are evolving into their egos and losing this intuition. Animals have it, trees have it, and humans have it. Our left brain, or logical brain, tunes it out via the ego. One must trust himself prior to the battle with the ego, otherwise the timing will fail and the opportunity will pass. The ego can, however, be useful for many things. I love Science. I question many things on a scientific or biological level. One must! However, when it comes to the Self, one must always trust, so long as the mind is clear and the head is level. Obviously there are people who are too far gone and a right mess. These are the people that I have recently been calling “Zombies”. The trees and I have named them this. Unconscious beings who potentially serve other purposes in life but are incapable of being connected. Some people just need to learn how to be connected, and many are keen but simply need guidance. I will always give any amount of energy and effort to these individuals. For example, my coworker and friend, Tristan. He is young and keen, and very connected. I recently taught him to listen to the trees in the forest because he was struggling with some inner things and needed guidance. Shortly after this, he stopped being a vegetarian overnight out of “nowhere”, and applied for University. He received the messages that he needed, and throughout the process of opening himself up to the guidance of the trees, he also opened his heart to the Universe. In addition, when one is an open-hearted soul, the same rules of chemistry apply: Like attracts like. People who one would never pin to be a free spirited, open soul come out of the woodwork for me. It’s such a beautiful delight! These are the people that I feed from and give to. I can be inspired and my soul can share loving nourishment and brain food.  In addition, happiness and being able to see the good in every possible situation are two very important elements. Where the heck am I going with all this? Well, I’ll tell you.

Today I drove back to Milford. My car is still smashed on the side of the road. There are times whilst living here that I cannot get a coach out of here, there is only one road, and it can be dangerous. I am 126km from the closest civilization. Things happen, emergency situations present themselves at times, and a vehicle is needed in those events. I put my needs out to the Universe with Love and respect. I appreciate all the good in the Universe and trust that it is abundant, and that there is always enough. I put all my Love out to the Universe, and She blesses me with Love in return, amplified significantly. I had no desire to go to the pub one night, but something inside me said that I needed to go. There was a band, and I try to take advantage of any opportunity to enjoy live music in the middle of the rainforest. Also, I still need to work on nourishing my feminine side. I put on my ferry skirt and red lipstick, and headed to the Milford pub.

When I arrived, I had a brief chat with a friend who works for the kayakers just to catch up in random conversation. He had mentioned that he and his partner were going to travel together for five months, and he needed to figure out what he would do with his car. I told him that I would buy it off of him, but he said he was coming back and would need it, so he could just transfer the registration to me and I could just drive it. Ironically (but not when you have a greater understanding of how the universe works) my visa expires in five months.

There was a bit of miscommunication the last few days between Horey (the car owner) and I, and I almost ended up not getting the vehicle. I needed food and had one more night to go to Te Anau to get groceries and supplies before my next shift. I was a bit irritated because I stayed in Milford on my days off waiting around for Horey and he didn’t come into Milford when he said he would. Yesterday morning something told me not to wait for the Jucy coach, but to go to work with Dave and get on the earliest coach to Te Anau with Real Journeys. When I went to the RJ’s desk, my friend Tania had mentioned that Horey was coming in this morning to Milford and to ring him. As soon as I rang the kayakers, he answered and said that he had just walked in the door! I couldn’t have been happier, although I had already accepted the fact that I might not get the car had I not gotten in touch with him. I trusted that whatever would happen would be for my greatest good. He was just about to have it parked in a garage for five months before I rang him, so my timing was perfect (which was no accident of course). We planned to drive to Te Anau and then he would meet up with his girlfriend there and another friend who would take the both of them to the airport.

He popped over to the house a few hours later, and we headed off on our journey. The car is a beautiful red Nissan wagon. It’s big enough to sleep in, so that’s always a plus. It’s also big enough to brew beer in (= . My first take off in her was a success, as Horey was sure that I would stall it since the clutch is touchy. It was perfect. I said goodbye to my friends, and I headed into town to get things sorted with my car, etc.

The Te Anau police have been absolutely awesome about my wee car sitting alongside the Milford Road for the last month, and I know they are getting angry phone calls from coach drivers. I decided I’d pay the $300 and have her towed to Te Anau, while I continued my battle with the insurance company. It’s not that big of a deal anyhow. Besides, life isn’t so serious. It’s just another thing. I cannot complain about this, when people are starving, endangered species are becoming more endangered and extinct, and the invasive human species is exploding new births all over the world.

After I checked into my motel in Te Anau, I decided to walk along the Lake to town. On my journey, I picked up rubbish along the Lake the entire way. One of the last pieces of rubbish was a safety briefing for the Te Anau glowworm caves! Duh! I totally wanted to do this for ages and had no plans for my evening. I popped into RJ’s and was able to book for that evening as well as get it for free because I work for Jucy in Milford. I was super stoked to finally see glowworms, and spend my evening in a cave! Winning! The Universe is so good to me!

Shortly after I arranged to finally have my car towed, I headed back to catch my boat to the cave. That was quite the experience. It felt a bit Disney-like because there was lighting and walkways through the caves in order to make it safe for guided tours, but I was able to absorb the experience that my soul needed at that time. At one stage we all piled in a tiny boat and went through a portion of the cave in the pitch black so that the worms would be more visible. It was incredible, as all one could see were the amazing and beautiful lights of the wee worms and hear the rushing waters. Also, the energy of the cave was enchanting and powerful. There was a rushing waterfall down below, and cave creatures in the waters such as eels and gnarly fish. It’s a pretty incredible element of nature to explore. It makes me want to find more caves to explore in their natural state. I’m certainly in the right country for it, and perhaps in summer I will seek these out. At one stage I filled my water bottle with the rushing waters of the cave, and then placed my hands on the cave walls to feel its incredible energy. It was quite different than the trees, it was powerful and almost overwhelming. It spoke a language I could not understand, however, I could feel. It was beautiful and sent shivers down my spine. I felt enlightened as the glowworms guided me with their light, the waterfall nourished my body with its waters and peaceful voice, and the cave embraced my soul with its massive energetic walls. It was a beautiful mini adventure that fed my soul.

I finished my night with some Chinese Takeaways and a warm bed watching nature shows on the tele. This morning I had my first journey in my new car back to Milford. I got to know her quite well, and all of her sweet spots in the clutch. It was as if we were meant to be. As Bertha (my green car) has been released with Love and retired, I welcome Thelma, my red beautiful wagon that I will care for with Love for the next five months while Horey is away. I know that this is, because I am open and the Universe has gifted me this with Love. Be good to the Universe, stay open with Love, and She will bless you with her Love. Love and Light.

Eliminating mental toxins & the constant sleep/wake cycle that is Life

1 May

Although it has only been three days since my last post, as my world goes, much has changed. Sometimes all that it takes is a bit of reawakening. In life we have many distractions. Many human beings are, sadly, distracted for all of their lives; whereas others have the ability to recognize distractions and avoid, dodge, and/or recover from them. Luckily I was born with a soul that has eyes wide open. Of course, I do get distracted at times because I am human and I do have an ego that gets in the way. My cycles of being “asleep” or distracted are becoming fewer in number and significantly more short-lived.

I woke up in Te Anau the morning after staying up until 3am to post my last entry. Something had already shifted. I had intended on nourishing both my masculine and feminine energies, so, I did just that. I shopped around and found myself a decent rain jacket (I live in the rainforest so this is absolutely essential!), a spear for spear fishing (flounder fishing), a pair of earrings just because they were pretty and I need to nourish all of me, and finally I treated myself to an hour and a half massage followed by a nice dinner and wine. It was a pretty fulfilling day as far as nourishing my soul and keeping masculine and feminine balance.

Something had still been lacking. I was beginning to see more clearly another mistake which I had been allowing myself to make. I was enabling my brain to unleash toxic chemicals which would create irrational thoughts and behavior. It was the toxin that was infatuation. When any human being is infatuated, the brain reacts chemically exactly the same as if it would when one is addicted to hard drugs. The brain knows no difference and releases the same chemicals which allow the individual to think and act irrationally. I know better, yet I keep allowing this to happen. I believe it has to do with my lack of balance and feeling of being grounded that I have recently noticed and been making a conscious effort to correct. With that being said, I let Danger know that I needed to spend more time with the person that I love most in the world, the person that I was born with and will die with-me. As much as I looked forward to any potential our slightly more than a friendship had to offer, I need to invert that energy and work on balancing myself. He understood and is experiencing similarities in his own world, so this was a nice and positive way to put a bit of an end to whatever it was that was going on between us. I need to recognize the disguises of these little “relationships” of whatever sort that I keep getting myself into without even realizing, and avoid them. I need to be thinking fully and clearly. Once I did this, I instantly felt free again. I could think clearly once more. I didn’t have to worry about when I would get to hang out with him again or what he was doing after work or on his days off or if I should look pretty when I go to the pub in the event I would run into him, etc. It was quite liberating. I could refocus and readjust. My honeymoon period in Milford was over, and I could not have been happier to see this.

My first few months in Milford were like the beginning of anything else that is new, a honeymoon. I ate too much, drank way too much, and let myself be influenced negatively just a bit too much. I had been “asleep”. Now that I know where I stand, understand most things, and have my job down pact, I can dig my roots deep and ground myself, and begin to grow my own branches from my core. I was awake once more. My soul’s eyes were wide open, and my vision was just as clear as.

First and foremost I would cut out the ridiculous amount of alcohol consumption in which I had been partaking. I would reestablish my limits of three. It’s easy to quit entirely, but I do enjoy beer, wine, and cocktails, therefore I will simply establish my limit. This will assist in the elimination of ridiculous and irrational behavior, as well as poor decision making. My body will thank me as well. After all, I love myself, and need to fill my body with things it likes. Second, I will avoid men for a while, and absolutely not sleep with anyone here in Milford again. There are only about 200 people living and working here, so the last thing I need to be doing is sleeping with any of them. One can imagine what sort of outcome that has the potential to have. Luckily the one I did choose was a like-mind and understood. Plus, nothing had gone too far between Danger and me so it was easy to cut it off before ugly situations occur. Third, I would begin to nourish my brain with brain food in the form of books that interest me. This includes small missions I have had for myself. That being said, I ordered five books on Shamanic journeying, soul retrievals, and books on the power of our thoughts. This will also help recharge my soul and intuition, as well as inspire many other things. Lastly, I decided not to take the job at the Milford Sound pub as a bartender (this job had been offered to me several times). If I took that job I would simply be selling my soul to stay in Milford because I love it here, but that’s not who I am and that’s not what I do in life. If I’m meant to be here, if the universe needs me here, I’ll be here. I’m over bartending and there is no room for me to grow there. I love my job and love being on the boat. It’s new and I can grow endlessly there.  I have also decided to nourish my interests with the boat that I work on. Without penis on the brain, it’s a lot easier to focus. I have been dying to learn how the mechanics work and to hang out in the engine room with the skipper so that I can learn what every single thing does, so I would proceed with these interests distraction free and wholeheartedly.

Another big thing that I have come to grips with recently is due to my newly rekindled openness to the process of life. I have come to grips with the fact that life is too short for me to stay here in New Zealand forever, even though it is the greatest place on Earth. There are so many other places in the world that I can learn from and experience to help me grow so that I can save the world. This is only the beginning. If I stay here forever, my life will begin to fall apart (because that’s what happens when you resist the process of life and the flow of the universe/all the signs to move onward) and I will never achieve my goal to save the planet. Because of this, I will accept with love any direction the universe points me in and go without question or doubt. I can only have a theoretic idea in mind, but I do know that all I really know is what I do in this present moment. I can have a thousand ideas and plans-which may potentially lead me in the right direction, but where I’ll go and how I’ll get there only the universe knows. There is so much in the air right now with my job, my visa, etc. Theoretically my boss could extend my contract over winter, and perhaps not. In addition, my car is still smashed up along the Milford road. I’m not worried about a single thing though, because I am totally open.

With that being said, it is currently the end of my third day of this ten day shift. (Ten on, four off). Since my first day I have been sticking around with the skipper after my day is over to help him out in the engine room with maintenance, as well as helping him fix a few minor issues we’ve had with certain systems on the boat. I do not get paid money for this time, but I do however, get paid in skills and knowledge. That, to me, is priceless. Prior to three days ago, I knew nothing about the mechanics of a boat. Just in three days I have learned heaps! This particular skipper is quite patient and an awesome teacher. I feel like he’s the Bruce Lee of skippers and I am his skipper/engineer Ninja in training. I only learn these things by doing, and he knows that so he is very good at making me figure things out, handing me a tool and telling me to take something apart, etc. I know that I am totally nourishing my masculine energy by doing this, so I have to balance it with something girly afterward. I love being dirty, sweaty (the engine room is HOT!), totally covered in grease and oil, and smelly. I wear the grease and oil under my nails like a badge of honor. Plus, it feels bloody fantastic to finally be learning new things after two months! In addition to this I have been hitting the gym happily and hard, and have stuck to my limits with the beer and wine. It’s not that hard now that I’m awake again. I don’t even want to drink. A glass of wine before bed, a beer after a thirteen hour day that I only get paid money for 9.5 hours of…yeah, that’s great! I feel great about that, just no more crazy nights of dancing on tables (not that I wouldn’t do that sober….I’d just like to remember doing these things) and waking up in anyone’s bed but my own. It’s time to plant my roots, ground myself, and become balanced and whole. The entire world depends on me to save it. I am accountable for rectifying the damages of humanity (as is all humanity); therefore I must act the part and take responsibility for my own actions. In the meantime I am building myself. It’s almost as if I am building an army within myself. I’m excited to see why the universe needs me to learn these skills! Engineering, teaching, massage therapy, German studies and International studies, teaching English, Shamanism, etc…why have I had to learn these diverse things? It’s only the beginning! Perhaps I’ll leave here in October when my visa expires, travel Cambodia, Thailand, and Vietnam, and head back State-side for a few months to plan an African mission. Perhaps I’ll reapply for the Peace Corps. Who knows?! All that I know is what I know in this moment. I am and will remain open to wherever the universe takes me. I am always open and receptive to the Universe with Love.

Love & Light!