Hawea Flat, a Wanaka Holiday, & A Painful Goodbye

4 Feb
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Leaving Sarita Orchard…On the way to Hawea Flat…bitter sweet

As I followed Sascha down the all familiar highway (and probably the only highway) toward Wanaka, my heart was overwhelmed with excitement. This was exactly the change we needed. I was ready to be back on an organic farm, knee deep in poo, and Sascha was ready to do anything but pick cherries.

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Our new home! Hawea Flat!  (((=

We pulled up to our new home, the place where we would spend our last week together. I have to admit, although I was sad because we had become such great friends, I was looking forward to my me time. I knew that Sascha and I wouldn’t be hanging out together forever, but my soft heart can’t help but get attached, even when it knows that this one isn’t meant to be.

Anni was in Dunedin and wouldn’t be back until the evening, so there was no work that day, just relaxation. Simon and another wwoofer greeted us, and showed us to our hut. It was beautiful. Oh the things one takes for granted! We could stand up in our new house! We wouldn’t hit our head every single morning on the roof of the van upon awaking! We didn’t have to get dressed outside in freezing weather and wet grass every morning! AND, the most important thing, WE HAD A PROPER BED! It was a nice, big bed as well! We couldn’t be happier or more grateful in that moment. Life was perfect.

After we made our nest, we went into Anni’s house to catch up with Simon. Apparently, when he had left on New Year’s Day to hitchhike to Wanaka, no one picked him up. He ended up walking for several hours in the rain, sleeping outside for a bit in soaking wet clothes, and finally got a ride the last few kilometers of his journey. It was a painful but hilarious story! What a strong kid he was! Nonetheless, I was happy that he had found wwoofing and Anni could host him. The other wwoofer was a younger kid as well, and from England. He was also quite nice, and seemed like a good kid. We had a couple beers (Anni buys beer for her wwoofers!), laughed, and got all caught up. Then Sascha and I escaped to bed. We had looked forward to this moment for two days now.

The bed. I don’t know that man has words for this. It was like a marshmallow cloud, with feathers, and most likely rainbows and unicorns were involved in the making of this bed. There are no words for the comfort of this bed. Most likely it was a piece of crap bed, and Sascha and I were used to the gnarly blow up bed so anything that resembled a proper bed would have likely had the same effect. Nonetheless, it was perfect in this moment. I believe we were asleep within a millisecond.

The next morning Anni woke us all up. She did this because there was no electricity. There was a generator that she would run once or twice a day for the refrigerator, and during this time we would charge our phones/computers/etc. Therefore, we got a wake up. We slept in until 10:30, and it was incredible. Nothing was sore in the morning! Yay! We had our breakfast and met Anni.

Anni. Anni was an out of control spirit…not necessarily free…just unmitigated, crazy, feminine energy. She was 50-something, loud, and had a lot of issues that I could see immediately. It was tolerable, and I searched to see the good within her as I do with every human being. I knew that this wouldn’t be any sort of “epic” experience; it would just be a place to kill time.

Anni was trying to make a million dollars off of her property, so she didn’t want wwoofers, she wanted slaves. Most of the work was cleaning crazy things, and performing ridiculous tasks that most would charge a lot of money for. Luckily for my soul, one day we made a giant hot compost heap, with all of the proper ingredients. I needed this. We had fun, although I’ve never seen so many different types of animal poo in my entire life all in the same place, let alone handled it! It was great to do something that interested me and that I could learn from.

Later on this evening while I was washing the dishes, it began to rain. I noticed that the sun was still out, and I was dying to see a rainbow. I would not shut up about wanting a rainbow, that I NEEDED a rainbow to happen-it was for my soul! I kept checking and nothing was anywhere. I finished the dishes and went upstairs to stir my bucket of beer. As soon as I began, Sascha yelled for me to come down, because my rainbow was waiting for me!

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Rainbows in Wanaka!

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Rainbow hooping! Great shot captured by Sascha ❤

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Rainbows & Unicorns & Light & New Zealand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran down the steep staircase, threw my stirring spoon in the sink and ran outside. There it was. It was the most beautiful rainbow I had ever seen in my entire life. I grabbed my hula hoop and began to hoop under this beautiful and bright energy field of love. When I had finished hooping, Sascha, Simon, George, and I walked up the back of the house to catch a better glimpse of this magnificent rainbow. When we reached the top, none of us had words. Everyone was silent for a brief moment. There it was, the end of the rainbow! It was right in front of us, as clear and bright as the human eye could comprehend. I have never seen anything like this in my life. This is exactly the thing one should see in New Zealand. I was happy to share this moment with Sascha and friends. It could not have been anymore perfect. Eventually it faded, as everything does, and we returned to the house to integrate its beauty.

It didn’t take many days for Sascha and me to become fed up with Anni’s insanity and ridiculous tasks. In addition, my time with Sascha was running out. We decided that we would leave Anni’s on the 20th, and spend our last two nights in an inexpensive cabin together in Wanaka-on the beautiful lake to celebrate our friendship.

On our last night we had a mini party. We enjoyed some wine and beers, and had heaps of laughs outside in the bright sunshine. After sometime we went to bed, it was our last night at Anni’s.

In the morning, Simon woke everyone up after Anni woke him up with a pleasant, “Wake up, this isn’t a fuckin’ hotel!” Sascha and I stumbled out of bed…apparently too much wine happened the previous evening…By the time we arrived in the kitchen, Anni was already in the yard a ways away giving the boys instructions. Sascha met her out there and let her know we would be leaving today. She gave us hugs, said goodbye, and she left to go practice for some play that she would be acting in. I went back to bed, and I’m pretty sure no one did any work while she was gone.

When I woke up, everyone was enjoying an afternoon (or perhaps late morning) beer around the table. We all had some lunch, I still felt like crap, and everyone informed me of the new plan. Simon had decided to come with Sascha and me to Wanaka. After my hangover wore off, I was actually excited. It would be a fun two days, and it would be a nice distraction on the bitter-sweet goodbye that would happen when Sascha and I parted ways.

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Lake Wanaka & the most perfect tree (=

We took our time and packed our things. Eventually, we said goodbye to the other wwoofer, George, and headed to Wanaka. We drove to the beach and parked. The guys waited at the beach while I went to get our cabin and check in. It was a mellow day of hanging out in the sunshine, and then we went to New World and bought some things for a family meal together. Simon cooked delicious carbonara pasta for us. After dinner I finished my dreadlocks and bottled my second batch of beer. We had some laughs then went to sleep.

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No Shirt, No Shoes, NO PROBLEM! It’s NZ (((=

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Lake Wanaka

The next morning was already difficult for me. I had no idea how I would feel when Sascha and I parted, but I could feel it all of a sudden, and it hurt. I know we needed to do our own things, and that it was time for us to part, but my heart didn’t understand. I tried to let it go and focus on the present, so that I could enjoy my last night with my Sascha. It wasn’t so much infatuation because we simply had a beautifully bonded, non-sexual friendship…it was just something different I suppose. I made a good friend, and I was sad to say goodbye.

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Bottling my second batch, an IPA, with Sascha in Wanaka

Sascha and I went off on our own to enjoy some time together in the sunshine on the beach. I was happy to soak up the rays. We had a few beers on the beach, some fish n’ chips, and then after about five hours of scorching sunshine, we decided to head back to the cabin. We picked up some cheap food to make for dinner, had a shower, cooked our cheap dinner, and sat on the porch of our cabin and had some last cocktails together. Simon had returned from looking for a job, so we all got to hang out and shares some laughs. At one point I grabbed my LED hula hoop, because any time my heart sinks, I find something creative to do to pick it back up. It always works. Hooping made my heart happy, but I couldn’t kid it for too much longer. I put away my hoop and found myself in Sascha’s arms. It was in this moment that I fully realized what was happening. Although we had the rest of the night and morning together, it was like a little mini goodbye. I’ll save his words for myself, and keep them in my heart forever because they are so adorable to me and I know that I will never forget them.  Again, this was a very different type of friendship.

I’ve had heaps of experience with relationships throughout my life. I have gone through the insecure period of my life where all I wanted was love. Then, I grew strong, secure, and realized that I needed to love myself. Once that happened, everything else was irrelevant. I needed no approval from a man, or anyone, and I didn’t need love or affection, because I loved myself unconditionally. This is not easy for human beings. Most people have only one goal in life, and that is to find love. I am not this way. I did not search for this loving friendship with a touch of infatuation…it just kind of happened. I believe this is why it was so strong, because it was natural and unexpected, and developed from a beautiful friendship.

In the morning the first alarm went off. I dreaded this day. I turned it off, but of course, my bitter-sweet emotions kept me awake. I just wanted to be close to Sascha for as long as I could. Eventually, we had to get out of bed. Sascha went off to shower, so I utilized this time to sneak a card into his bag, and one from each of my beers that I brewed with a little note on them. I headed to shower myself, in hopes to cleanse my soul from all the gnarly emotions.

Just a side note, I know that I am expressing sadness, etc. I neglect to reflect on the excitement for my new journey. I do not mean to undermine my conscious awareness of the need for change, and my acknowledgement from the moment I knew Sascha that this was not “it”, however there was still a reason (like the whole: “reason/season/lifetime” type of thing…) It was in fact bitter sweet. I know that every single thing in life happens when the universe needs it to happen, and trust that. I am focusing on my emotions simply to better portray exactly how I felt in that moment; my higher understanding of life’s funny situations is always there.

When I got out of the shower, Sascha was sitting in the cabin. He was smiling a sad smile, and told me he saw my card and the beer already. I couldn’t even look at him or I would start crying. I had to suck it up and continue to pack, and simply say, “You’re welcome”. It was already beginning to hurt. I checked out. The guys straggled behind and smoked a cigarette. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Not here. Not in a parking lot of a holiday park. It was too generic. I couldn’t do it.

Luckily Sascha and I both needed to pick up our pay stubs from Sarita, in order to receive our taxes back from the NZ government when we leave the country. We decided that I would follow him and we would say goodbye there. Thank God! This was better for me. What a beautiful thing-to say goodbye at Sarita, the very place we got to know one another. This was much better than a parking lot in a holiday park.

Simon rode with Sascha for this trip, then after Sascha and I said goodbye, I would take Simon to Ranfurly to a wwoofing place, which was on my way to Palmerston. I planned to spend two nights with one of my favorite wwoof hosts and inspirations, Cath, then head to Little River Campground to wwoof at an eco holiday park. Through all the sadness I was feeling in the moment, I was in fact looking forward to my next journey. Every day is always new, and every day brings gifts of all types-whether good or bad. (Although I guess none are actually bad, once you see the end result).

We arrived at Sarita. My heart was happy to see this place, because it was full of beautiful memories, but also sad because it knew what this meant. We searched for our old supervisor. We had to wait a wee minute, which was fine by me. I got a coffee and waited with Sascha. In the meantime I tried to get Simon a job, but the season was finished.

Matt found me and gave me all of the paystubs for Sascha and me. We all walked to the parking lot. My heart had never been so heavy. Simon said goodbye to Sascha, and stepped away. He knew it would be a difficult moment for me. I tried my best to hold back the tears, and even my hardest was not good enough. I didn’t want to let go of Sascha. We spent every moment of every day and night for nearly two months together. That definitely expedited the “getting to know one another” process.  He told me not to cry, but my heart is stubborn. I didn’t know when or if I would ever see Sascha again. I wasn’t ready for these emotions. Finally, when the waterfall of tears, the open box of Pandora, was too strong to hold back, I had to walk away. I told him I was going to get in my car now, otherwise I would just keep crying. I said a very painful goodbye, and got into my car. I put on my sunglasses and took a good moment to choke up my tears, so that Simon didn’t have to see me cry like a douchebag. As I drove away, Sascha stood by his van, next to the smiley face that I had drawn in the dirt on his back windshield, and waved goodbye.

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I purposely took this photo, because this is my blog. This is my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Life cannot always be rainbows and unicorns. I will not always post my most perfect and beautifully posed pictures. This is my autobiography in the making. This is my reality. And, these are beautiful tears of cleansing energy.

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3 Responses to “Hawea Flat, a Wanaka Holiday, & A Painful Goodbye”

  1. Susan February 4, 2013 at 5:20 am #

    Kim, you are beautiful. In and out. I love you.i love your story. Very touching.

  2. Ian Chapman September 24, 2017 at 9:32 am #

    are u still barefooter

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