Kaikoura, Clarity, & the Gifts that Angels bring

1 Mar

I reckon I had left off in CHCH, while awaiting the arrival of a dear friend, who would be visiting me from the US, but there is quite the profound detail in which I have left out. I had been in Kaikoura just before I made my way back to CHCH and just after Sascha had left once more. I made it a point to spend a day on the beach and simply ask the universe for clarity. I do this quite often, and find that the ocean waters seem to bring them the greatest. I hadn’t yet learnt what I needed clarity for, which is why it is so profound in this present moment. 

In that moment I had fallen in love with New Zealand all over again. I had an overwhelming feeling, (I believe from my soul-because the eyes of the soul always see things first before the ego questions everything) and I had to go with it. My soul was overwhelmed of the idea of going back to The States in May. I never question this. I only ask the universe for clarity rather than battling my ego. Sometimes the greatest decisions in life are the most illogical and I have learned this through experience and simply trusting the universe and the process of life. It seemed logical for me to go back in May because I could work at my old job again and earn some decent cash, and I work with all of my best friends so that’s always quite nice. In addition, I house sit for one of my former professors from my uni, so I had been committed to that this coming summer. That also made sense because I would come back without any money and I wouldn’t have to pay rent. I also had planned to flat with Meghan again, so everything appeared (on the surface) to be perfect for me to return in May. My soul however, was quite opposed, which created an extreme ambivalence in my consciousness. Therefore, I spent a day doing nothing and thinking about nothing. It is the best way for me to open my mind and allow for clarity.

The unique thing that I have learned about our human minds is that we always need some sort of goal to strive for. One can make all of the plans in the world to stay on one particular path, but I have learned that the greater gifts come when one is open to straying from that path. In the end we get to where we need to be. Because of this, I am constantly asking for clarity from the universe for all of my illogical and potentially insane ideas and adventures. However, it is in fact these particular goals which we create to suffice our ego’s needs that eventually lead us to the path of a greater purpose. We simply create these goals in order to create logic for our actions. I am open to this as well. Perhaps I will not save the world, but maybe the path that I choose will inspire someone else to, or to inspire many. One can never know. All that I can do is follow my heart’s desires and my soul’s wisdom, regardless of their logic. Therefore, I needed some sort of goal to suffice my ego and justify my stay here in New Zealand. I knew I needed a job soon, because I was beginning to run out of money. So, I slept on it, headed to CHCH, which I have already mentioned in my last blog, stayed with Ollie and his family, and awaited my next angel in which the universe had brought me.

It was the 5th of February, and my angel (I hadn’t yet known it would be in this form) would be arriving on this day. He was a dear friend for the last few years, and almost like a big brother. For the likes of any ignorance, I must put the disclaimer that he is simply a dear friend, and although a male he is and has never been by any means a sexual partner. I’m not sure what it is about human beings, but many assume that if a male and female are friends, it’s sexual. So that is my disclaimer. Anyhow, I woke up early in Ollie’s sleepout (a shed in his back yard with a bed in it-and electricity!) and headed into the house for a quick brekkie and a cuppa before I headed to the airport. I assumed my friend would be jet-lagged, so I didn’t think that driving five hours to Dunedin would be a great idea. I did, however, have two dear friends-Jon & Lindsey, that were waiting for me in Dunedin. They were the married couple from New England that I wwoofed with on the North Island. They are incredible human beings and I was exploding with happiness to see them again.

Ollie and his wife insisted that my friend and I spend another night and have a few brews with them. It had been a holiday in New Zealand anyhow, so there wouldn’t have been much open for my friend and me to do.  (I am not using his name upon his request-so bare with me).  I headed to the airport in CHCH full of excitement. As soon as I saw his smiley face my heart was happy. A piece of home was here with me in New Zealand! Yay!

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a high strung person full of positive energy and love. I also have a really strong inner child that I nourish quite often in order to preserve my youth and my free spirit. When he arrived I was full of energy and couldn’t stop talking and attempting to catch him up during the walk to my car. It was so nice to see him! Plus, my soul was ready for another adventure.

Since I’ve been in New Zealand, I’ve done very little “touristy” things. I did not come here to cruise the country on a bus, ignorant to the culture, and see all the main sights and leave. I came here to live with families, become a part of the culture, and learn sustainable living as well as the many other beautiful surprises that are attached to that lifestyle. So, I was a bit excited (yet a wee bit ambivalent-again, I just trust my soul when it comes to this), to see some of the incredible things that I hadn’t yet seen whilst showing my friend around the country.

I had some special things planned such as a boat cruise through the beautiful Milford Sound, and a helicopter ride on top of Fox Glacier, and then cruise up the west coast because I hadn’t yet been Northwest on the South Island.

I mentioned to my friend that I wanted to take him to Dunedin to see Tunnel Beach and see my friends, but it would be best to go in the morning, and then we can have a wee day cruise down the Banks Peninsula to see Akaroa Harbor and have dinner at the Hilltop Café. He agreed. I told him we would be staying at Ollie’s, and that Ollie had a sleepout in the back that was quite comfortable. I assured him that it would be a great experience to be able to stay with an incredible Kiwi family and to get to see the greatest example of the beautiful Kiwi hospitality in which the country is known for. He seemed a bit apprehensive about it, and said that it was a bit uncomfortable and he would much rather stay in a hotel. He assured me that if money was a problem he had that under control. I explained to him that it was about the experience, and this is quite a common thing in New Zealand. There is no need to feel awkward. Besides, if one is not a little bit uncomfortable in life then they are not growing.

We headed straight from the airport to Akaroa Harbour. On the way we had a nice meal at the café with the most beautiful view of Akaroa in sight. Afterward we headed to the Harbour to walk around. I have to admit I was a bit surprised when we were in Akaroa, because my friend had said that he had viewed all of this already from the Google Earth street car. I felt like it spoiled some of the surprises that I had planned, but I had to let that go. Not everyone is like me and loves for everything to be a surprise. To me, the most special part about being in a new place is all of the beautiful and breathtaking sights that I had no idea even existed on this planet. The things that I couldn’t and cannot even imagine are possible, yet I see them in front of my face are the most exciting things. I look forward to what I don’t expect. I think that is also tied to who I am, I suppose. I live my life based on my heart and soul. I do not follow logic all of the time, or much of the time. I do not need to know everything, but I would like to learn it through experience. I don’t need to know things before I do things, because I trust the universe and the process of life100% of the time. I have not become this way overnight, but rather through practicing trust. So far, it has worked for me. (I am the kid who grew up in poverty and abused, and I have seen much of the world and this is because I trust the universe and follow my heart-it truly is that simple, yet that complex).  Therefore, I cannot expect everyone to be this way. I let it go.

We headed back to Ollie’s to enjoy the remainder of our evening and get some sleep. My friend was quite jet-lagged.  We had some sushi that Ollie’s wife made, and enjoyed great conversation with the family. They are truly incredible people. It was such beautiful gift from the universe, and I was quite happy to share it with my friend from the States.

After a long day for my friend, we retired to the sleepout. I can tell that I’ve been living in the nature for quite some time, because he asked me if we just walk into the house to use the toilet. I responded that he could of course, but I had just gone outside. I hadn’t even thought of going back into the house after everyone had gone to bed. I had only just begun to notice how I have grown and changed.

The next morning I slept in, as usual. I can sleep anywhere-tents, mud huts, the grass, on a beach full of stones, and sleep well. After living in my tent for some time, I reckon I had fallen into a small coma in the bed in the sleepout. It was like a palace for me! And it had electricity! WOW! In the meantime I was happy to know that my friend had been chatting over tea with Ollie all morning. When I walked into the house, Ollie had breakfast on and a cuppa ready for me. It was like paradise. I am not used to people being so giving without working for it. I did not take any of it for granted and appreciated it with all of my heart. After brekkie, Ollie let me leave my empty suitcases in the sleepout in order to make a bit more room in my tiny car/brewery. We said goodbye and headed off to Dunedin.

I had planned to stop at the Moeraki Boulders, and then Palmerston for the greatest fish n’ chips in all of New Zealand, and then to Dunedin. We did just that.

When we arrived in Dunedin it was quite a nice feeling. I had lived in a cabin for a week in the holiday park I took him to when I was sick with strep throat, so I had a bit of a “homey” feeling there (as strange as that may sound). I quite liked this place. It was right on the ocean, clean, and everyone was always friendly. I was mostly excited though, because Jon & Lindsey were staying in the cabin next to ours! The cabin that they stayed in was actually the one that I lived in, so it added to the warm fuzzy feeling in my heart.

Oddly enough, the evening that we arrived, there had been a mild tsunami, and we were advised to stay off of the beaches. Of course, I had just experienced my first Earthquake in CHCH, so why not walk up to the beach and experience a tsunami, aye? It wasn’t very intimidating, and there were heaps of people surfing. I have seen bigger waves in Raglan on a calm day. Nonetheless it was cool to see the patterns of the waves, and it was quite obvious that something unusual was happening in the waters.

Afterwards, we spent some time sipping on my home brewed beer and catching up on the last four months. It was such a great time. We had planned on seeing Tunnel Beach in the morning, and then my friend and I would head off to Queenstown.

Tunnel Beach was quite an incredible sight to see. Like everything in New Zealand, it was absolutely breathtaking. I was happy to see something new as well, as I have never been to this particular beach in Dunedin. Also, it’s always nice to see the excitement on my friend’s face, because I have gotten a bit used to the beauty here. Not to undermine it, or to say that I do not appreciate it every single day, I just mean that it has become my norm.

We hiked back up the steepest hill on Earth back to our cars. I gave Jon & Lindsey big fat hugs, and we parted ways. I couldn’t be happier that I was able to catch up with them. They are truly genuine people. All the while I still have this notion lingering in my mind….what is it that I am supposed to do here….I’m not ready to go back to the US in May….what am I missing?

He and I headed to Queenstown. Queenstown is my absolute favorite place in New Zealand. It is beautiful and full of youthful energy. The city is alive, and makes my heart happy. And, my favorite backpacker that Sascha and I always stayed at was there. I quite liked the drive as well, and knew it like the back of my hand. It was quite funny because the weather in Dunedin was always a bit rainy and cool, but in Central Otago it’s always sunny and warm/hot. I tried explaining this, but my friend didn’t really believe me. No joke, it had been cloudy and cool all day until the very moment we saw the sign that says “Welcome to Central Otago” and all of the clouds broke up and the sun shone as bright as. We laughed, and he was speechless.

We stopped at my favorite ice cream shop in Cromwell, just across the street from where I worked, at another cherry orchard. We sat in the blazing sunshine for a wee while and enjoyed our “real fruit” ice cream. I reckon these are the special little experiences that once receive by traveling with someone who knows the areas a bit, and am happy to share these special little places with my friend.  We finished our ice cream and made our way to QT. It was hot as, sunny, and my heart was happy. I planned on taking him to the Alpine Lodge, where I always stay in QT. It’s my favorite place. There was special energy about it. Everyone had very genuine energy to their character, and I could feel that.

We arrived, and had hoped to stay three nights, but unfortunately could only stay one. My friend was a bit apprehensive about staying in a hostel, even though we got a private room, so I had to reassure him that he would survive. The man at the desk remembered me from Christmas time, when we had our BBQ and played what we call in the States bean bags, and in NZ it’s referred to as Corn hole. (=  It says a lot about one’s character when they can remember guests from months back. Again, it’s why I like small businesses. Plus, this place had quite the “homey” feel to it, and there was a cat there named Gary that makes my heart happy. (I LOVE animals….I have the potential to become a crazy cat lady in my future).

We checked in and then headed to town so that I could introduce my friend to what would be his newest addiction-The Fergburger. It’s a world famous burger place in QT, with pretty epic burgers and incredible chips & aioli. I generally have one every time I’m in QT. We rocked out some Fergs and chilled out on the beach for a wee while. The streets are always alive in Queenstown, and the energy is always incredible. The lake surrounded by mountains is absolutely beautiful, and the sunsets are always amazing.

The next day we had to check out and find another spot. We had intended on spending three nights in QT, go see Milford Sound, and then head to Fox Glacier. Before we left the hostel, I grabbed a small bottle of my home brew for the man (I don’t think at this point I had ever learned his name), and he seemed quite happy about it, or at least about the thought of it. He seemed like quite the genuine man, and it seemed like the thing to do.

He told us to try another place up the hill for accommodation, so we did just that, and got just that. We were also able to book our Milford Sound coach and cruise, so I felt quite fulfilled. I was excited to see Milford, and even more excited that I didn’t have to drive there and back (since it was a 4 ½ hour drive).

The next morning we had to be up early to catch our coach. That was no worries for me, because I was like a kid on Christmas morning. It’s quite ironic, when we woke up; my friend had said to me, “We’re off to see the Wizard”.

When we got on the bus, the driver’s name badge read: Oz. I had to share that with him, and he laughed. This was quite possibly the most profound bus ride of my life. I had to admit, my angel in the form of my friend was beginning to work his magic. His insecurities and consistent worrying and lack of trust for the process of life was sadly beginning to wear on my free-spirited, care free, humble hearted soul. It was not a bad thing, I do not mean this negatively toward him or the situation. It was for the perfect reason. At one point he mentioned to me how much I have changed (all in good ways) and how simple and different I have become. I was quite happy to hear this. Being around him made me realize how different I had become. His energy was the opposite of mine, and as much as I love him to pieces, it began to be difficult to be around. I am not a “worrier”. Life isn’t so serious. Even when things do not work out, they actually are and do. It’s all about trusting one’s own foresight. I’m learning and doing this.

We were sitting directly behind Oz as well, so I reckon he heard most of our conversations. I had mentioned to my friend that I wasn’t ready to go back to the US, and that I believe there was some other greater purpose for me to be here. My ego believed I needed to go back in May because it was logical, but my soul and my foresight knew better. I trusted this. This also means sacrifice. I hated to let down my professor. He and his wife were such amazing people. I love them dearly and I know how much they trust me to care for their pets and house. It also meant I would have to give up my job that I love, and that I wouldn’t see all of my best friends and family. These however, are beautiful sacrifices, and necessary when one follows his heart. I had told him that I wasn’t going back, and that I would try to extend my Visa. It was good until October anyhow, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it in the moment. It was becoming clearer that I wasn’t going back in May. The energy that he had emitted that my soul so strongly disliked was exactly the feeling I would have from many people if I returned. I needed more time. I needed to let go of my life in the States as well. I needed to free myself from it. I trusted this.

The way that I work is that once something becomes clear to me, I absolutely have to follow through with it. I cannot kid myself any longer. When “they” (whoever they are) say that “Ignorance is bliss”, I quite truly believe that, however it is not my path. I had to make it official. What this meant was talking to my professor and my boss. Again, I hate letting people down, especially because it appears insane doing it out of blind faith and foresight-I am well aware of this. Nonetheless, I had to. As excited as I was to see Milford Sound, I was equally excited to make another crazy leap of faith, so I couldn’t wait to get back and email everyone, even though I would be equally as sad to let it all go. It’s bitter sweet though, and a beautiful sacrifice to free my soul for what was to come.

We arrived at a beautiful valley in Milford. Oz stopped me. He said that he heard me say I wanted to extend my Visa, and that I wasn’t ready to go back to the States. He mentioned that I seemed quite capable from what he has overheard, and asked if I wanted a job working for Jucy on the cruise boat, because they were looking for a crew member. I had to laugh out loud, because that is exactly how my life works. I need a job, one falls into my lap. I don’t try to find it, because I trust that every gift that the abundant universe has to offer me will find me, and that I will see it. Because I am open to everything all of the time, I take those leaps and jump on the next roller coaster ride that swoops me away. I told him I was absolutely interested! He said to pay attention to a kid named “Tristan” and see what he does, and if I think that’s something I’d like to do.

Oz. He truly was the Wizard! Another angel! An angel I would have never come across had my friend (another angel) not come to visit. This is why I trust the universe and the process of life 100% of the time. Might I recall that when I got the job on the orchard, I wasn’t even on the list at the employment agency, and I hadn’t even tried to find a job. I simply put my needs out there to the universe, and then I ask for clarity, and listen. It’s as simple as that. It’s also quite easy without the many distractions that the typical person has in life. I don’t have a routine, I’m in nature, I barely have internet and cell phone signals, and I spend a lot of time with me. I am more in tuned with nature and myself than I’ve ever been in my life. No wonder I don’t want to go back to the busy life in the US! It’s not for me! I couldn’t have been more excited to get on the boat!

I mentioned all of this to my friend, and I could feel the negative energy once more. He was quite concerned about me getting a job and not being able to take him up the coast. Of course I wanted to do these things too, but I always see the bigger picture every time. This is my life, and this is how I work. I always put all of my eggs in one basket. Everything always works out.

We finally arrived and headed down the wharf. I was greeted by Tristan. My friend and I headed up the stairs and out the back. Everything was so incredibly breathtaking. The mountains were intimidating, the forest was brilliant, there were heaps of waterfalls because it had been rainy, and my soul was pleased with where my path was heading. Every gift brings a gift, and I’m always grateful, even when they are “gifts with shit on them” (the ones that present themselves as a crappy situation but something epic and/or beautiful comes out of them in the end, but all one can see is the shit on top of the gift).

I couldn’t bring myself to take many pictures. I felt as if I was offending this beautiful place. Everything was so big, and its beauty so incredible, that I just couldn’t do it any justice or show it any respect by snapping photos. My photos are in my heart where they belong. If one must see Milford Sound and can truly appreciate its beauty, then one can travel to New Zealand and see it. It is, without a doubt, absolutely incredible. I am blessed to have eyes. I never take anything in Milford for granted, and knew that if I got a job here I would be the most grateful human being on Earth. Wow! That’s exactly how I felt.

I couldn’t drag myself from the outer deck to chat with Tristan in fear of missing something, so after the cruise we chatted for a wee while, and he said I sounded like I’d fit in perfectly. I knew in my heart that I would have this job. I could see myself there.

It just so happened to be a Saturday, so the man that I would have to call in Queenstown would be away until Monday. He had also planned on flying to Auckland on Tuesday morning, so if things were to happen, they would happen quite quickly. My friend and I had planned to drive to Fox Glacier Sunday, which was only about 4 hours up the coast. We would spend a couple of days there and explore, and I would ring Rob on Monday.  This evening I emailed my boss in the States and my professor to let them know I got a great job offer and would not be returning in May. Being the wonderful people that they are, they understood and were quite happy for me.

Sunday morning. We drove up the coast and saw some of the most unreal and absolutely incredible sights on the way to Fox Glacier. What was supposed to be a four hour drive took seven hours, because everything was just too incredible to pass up.

When we arrived it was quite later in the evening, but we were lucky to get a cabin for a couple of days. We decided to head to Mountain Helicopter to book our Heli-glacier experience.  The pilot walked in as we were there trying to book for the following day, and said that he could get us on the next flight. I was totally crabby and exhausted from the drive and lack of food, but I trusted the universe once again, and knew that there would be a reason for us to do it this day rather than the following afternoon. We had five minutes for me to find a pair of shoes, scarf down some crap food from a petrol station, and head to the heli.

Adrenaline took over and I soon forgot about my exhausted energy from battling negative energy and my hunger. The helicopter was definitely cool, and I had never been in one prior. My friend and I also got to ride in the front. Basically, it was a family business on a farm. The pilot had on his gum boots and jeans, and may as well have been smoking a cigarette. I loved it! I sat squished in the middle of the pilot and my friend in the wee helicopter, and was in awe at everything in front of my eyes. It was heaps of fun riding in the heli, as well as being full of breathtaking sights. When we broke through the clouds and saw the glacier, it brought tears to my eyes. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. I was happy to be alive in this moment, and I was grateful that my friend was sweet and generous enough to pay for me to have this experience. I was in awe.

The pilot dropped us off on top of the glacier, and then had to fly over to a hut to pick up something of his that he had left behind.  This meant we had more time on top of the glacier. Although it was full of freezing snow, it was quite hot up there. It was just incredible. I had tears in my eyes. When I am in large places, it helps my brain integrate what an abundant universe it truly is, so I always make it a point to stretch out my arms when I am on a mountain or in front of the never ending ocean, and say out loud to the universe that I am open and receptive to the abundance of the universe (or to clarity, peace, love, prosperity, or whatever it is that I need but have limiting thoughts that impede this flow).  In addition, I asked the universe for clarity.

I have learned from Shamanic works which I have done, that when the mind is clear and a question is asked, the first thing that pops into one’s head is exactly the answer one is searching for. Of course, we always have all of the answers within ourselves, and it comes from our own mind-there is no “magic” involved….and who knows, perhaps it comes from elsewhere…all that I do know, is that it has worked thus far. So, there I was on top of a massive, beautiful, and incredible glacier. Once I asked the universe for clarity, the first thing that popped into my head was “There is more for you here”. That was it. That was my answer. I trusted it beforehand, but absolutely and undoubtedly trusted that there was more for me here.  I took off my shoes and had a wee walk on the glacier in my bare feet in the ice cold snow in order to properly ground myself.

Shortly afterward the pilot returned. We climbed in the heli and headed off to finish our epic tour of all of the glaciers, and then returned to the farm.  We were totally high on life in this moment. My friend and I headed to a café for an epic post-heli glacier, much needed meal.

The next morning we had decided to sleep in and have a decent brekkie before we go out exploring. After brekkie it was almost noon, so we headed back to the cabin to gather some things and so that I could call Rob about the job in Milford. It was the first thing that I did when I returned.

We had a nice chat, although he was quite nervous since he had two people walk off the job in the position that I would be filling. I assured him I was the person, and he assured me that he believed this was fate. He said that in order to employ me he would have to have a proper interview before he left for Auckland. I told him that my drive to QT would be 4 ½ hours, and to bear with me but I would be there.

I returned to the cabin and mentioned the news to my friend. He was quite upset, and I understood, but I also understood the bigger picture. I was sad to end my journey with him, but honestly I was happy for him to learn and explore and grow on his own. Within five minutes we were packed up and heading back to QT, ninja speed. During which, I could feel his resistance to my choices. I understood a little, but I am me, and have to be 100% of the time, once again. I explained this to him. I was not guaranteed this job by any means, but I am always confident. If I did not get the job, it would also not be a loss because I love Queenstown, and I would enjoy it nonetheless. I felt horrible that my friend would lose a day of travel because of me, and had to get over that. I always trust and see the bigger picture.

We arrived in QT, I went straight to the interview, and it went phenomenal. Rob simply needed to hear from my references before he could employ me, but he was quite sure and confident that this was fate and I was it. I was in limbo for this time, but was okay with it. I always trust the process of life.

My friend was quite upset, but I understood. I decided that I didn’t care for this limbo state. I sent a message with Rob’s email to several of my references so that I could get the ball rolling. I heard from Rob the next day saying that all of my references mailed him back wonderful things and that I was hired. I would drive to Milford on Thursday, the 14th of February. This meant that my friend would have to rent a car, and I would have to spend two nights in QT. It was bitter sweet because I would miss my friend, but I was stoked to stay at my favorite backpacker for two days and do absolutely nothing.

I sadly said goodbye to my friend, and happily rang the backpacker to find out about accommodation. The man remembered me because I gave him my home brew. He had room for me for two days, and that was all that I needed. I was happy to be in a familiar place, and relax for two days before I started a new job.

That night I kept it mellow, laid on the beach, had some awesome food and wine, and slept like a baby. The next day however, was the beginning of a beautiful thing. The owner of the backpacker had asked me if I wanted to join him at Morrison’s Irish Pub for a game of Cornhole (bean bags, for my American friends). I spent the whole day laying on the beach and enjoying life. I had been a bit tired, and was a little ambivalent about going out drinking. I hadn’t quite known where Morrison’s was, I just knew it was above a casino. Apparently there were two casinos. I couldn’t find it at first, so I figured I would have a cheap and crappy dinner at McDonalds and go off to bed early. As I headed down the street that McDonalds was located, there was a huge sign for Morrison’s Irish Pub. I laughed out loud because I knew I was meant to go here. I thought to myself “Stop being a little bitch and just go have a few beers”.

I walked into the pub and saw the owner of the backpacker straight away. I knew in my soul that there was a greater reason that I was here…..




One Response to “Kaikoura, Clarity, & the Gifts that Angels bring”

  1. Susan March 4, 2013 at 3:04 am #

    you make me very happy Kim. Very. All I can do is smile for you. Be well, and be blessed. I love you so very much. Sometimes, when I feel like I miss you, I go upstairs and visit your stuff. HAHAHAHA!

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